


Time to turn around (to make this right)

by luminous_nyght



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, M/M, Trigger warning like please be aware it is bad, happy ending ofc cause I can't write anything else hehe, it's cutting so please take note, it's in the UK, or something like that, there is some smut in here too, though rules it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-14
Updated: 2013-11-14
Packaged: 2018-01-01 10:36:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 30,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1043796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luminous_nyght/pseuds/luminous_nyght
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Liam looked at Zayn again, who too was looking him, standing with his feet pressed together and arms hugging himself, Liam thought that even though he looked poorly, white and pale, a deer caught in headlights of sorts, Zayn looked so out of place in this old chipped empty kitchen of his.</p><p>Zayn was too beautiful, to be in such a place. Zayn – Zayn was a riddle, a puzzle that needed solving in so many ways; a character that not only matched his features but exceeded every other expectation that Liam not only knew about but forecasted. He was in awe of Zayn still, and that he wouldn’t hesitate to admit so many years on.</p><p>Liam opened his arms to get the message across what he wanted. Zayn’s brows furrowed together, before smiling and slipping back into Liam’s warm embrace whispering a gentle ‘I missed this so much Li’  as he squeezed hard at Liam’s back. Liam simply held him. He guessed that Zayn needed some physical contact, especially after what could have been months (years) since anyone really just gave a damn.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Time to turn around (to make this right)

“Zayn?”

“Hmm?”

“How did time – just disappear Z?” Liam said, pulling his feet up to rest his head on his knees, as he looked at Zayn on the other side of his bed, body hunched, trying to take up the least amount of space possible as his head lightly leaning against the headboard as he look out of the window, out into the darkening sky.

Zayn turned his head looking at him, sizing him up as if he had something to say at the tip of his tongue but it refused to come out, instead uttering,

“What do you mean Li?”

Liam smiled as Zayn shuffled closer before saying,

“I mean, we grew up together; we played together since I can remember, and we always had each other’s back. When did everything become so hard to see you?”

“The minute, you met Niall and Louis?”

“I think you mean his weed,” Liam chuckled, remembering Niall’s penchant for the drug. “And Louis’ mirth?”

“Yeah probably, but I think it had something to do with, money, school, puberty and class.”

“I miss us,” He said suddenly, how we used to be I mean – the 5 year old boys wanting to share pj’s-“

“Shotgun pants!” Zayn chuckled reminiscing and indulging in the past just like Liam was trying to do.

Liam smiled and Zayn continued “Yeah I remember, the boys with big dreams, with grubby hands and windswept hair because of too much time on bikes – I know Li.”

“Where did we go Z?”

“Nowhere, we grew up and realized we are better off the way we are.”

“How?”

He pointed at Liam before he replied, “You’re Captain of the biggest team in the school – under 21s final next week, applicant for the biggest, most prestigous universities in the country. I’m,” He shrugged pointing to himself, “the resident slut – apparently. I’m never gonna be like you; and we will never be the same 5 year old boys we once were Liam.”

 

“Oh stop that!” Liam said, shoving Zayn’s arm hard, making him actually fall of the bed hitting the carpeted floor a bit too hard for Liam’s liking.

“And anyway, we still talk; it’s not as if we aren’t friends.”

“Sure Liam,” Zayn said, smiling sadly,  sitting up to rub his arm then stood up from the side of Liam’s bed and made his way across the room to the open window, before turning back he sat on the ledge, half his body hanging out the window.

“What this is the first time I’ve seen you in 5 months?”

“Something like that; but I told you I –”

“Was busy, I know.”

“Sorry Z.”

“Please just don’t call me that yeah? No point anymore. Go hang out with your team Liam. I’m not worth your time anyway.”

“Zayn –”

“No, don’t ‘Zayn me’ _please_ ,” He said flushing, “we have reputations to uphold. You can’t be seen with someone like me now, can we?”

Liam shook his head out of habit of just agreeing with Zayn. He didn’t actually know if there was truth to the statement but he didn’t question Zayn. After all Zayn was Zayn Malik. Resident bad boy, leather clad, class skipping, cigarette behind the ear, sunglasses in winter Zayn Malik.

“Anyway,” Zayn continued. “I need to go before it gets too dark, see you around, Payne.” he shrugged as he gave Liam the 2 finger salute and jumped out his windowsill and onto the grass patch outside his window, running off into the setting sun disappearing again just like the conundrum Zayn was.

Liam sighed getting off the bed, to making his way through the house to find some food. He shrugged at the one picture he kept of him and Zayn when they were kids. Smiling sadly remembering the circus trip just like it was yesterday. Zayn might have told him to kindly fuck off, but he knew that no matter what happened, he had to try to make Zayn see, that he’s worth it.

*

 

“Liam! This way mate!” Louis screeched as he hit the brakes of his yellow Ferrari, waiting for Niall and Liam to get in from practice.

 

“Where are we going dude?” Niall said as he took out a crush joint from the front of his bag, lighting it and offering to Liam, who politely declined.

“I’ve got tennis and golf tonight with dad; you lads are coming with me.”

“You gotta be kidding me Lou, I just can’t do this every day, you always have something on.”

“Yeah yeah, Band on Monday, Chess on Tues-“

“Oi! Stop that,” Liam started, “We have been your babysitters for the last 2 years, I think I know.” Liam sighed, staring out the window just to see if he could spot Zayn guiding his sisters into the empty school showers. Liam might have not really spoken to Zayn for a while but he learnt were Zayn’s haunts are, all expect lunch hour, seeing he was too nervous to go to the art block and ask.

 “Alright, alright! – I just you know how it is.”

 “Yes I know, doesn’t mean we have to like it.” Liam said again, getting lost in the passing scenery.

The thing with Louis and Niall and Liam to a certain extent was that they shared a few things in common. Money was a major one, and they all got used to a life where they are the princes to their dad’s empires. Louis’ and Niall’s dads had built up very well established businesses over the years, Liam’s dad not far off, allowing them to enjoy a lifestyle only accessible to the few rather than the many – Zayn didn’t quite fit there – single mum living off the state, two little girls to take care of. Renting a flat in the bad side of town, Liam knew Zayn didn’t fit with him – and his best friends – he _knew_. Yet he still yearned for the day when they lived in each other’s back pockets again. Liam missed that – he missed being able to run around with Zayn, without a care in the world again, living off 20p sweets and enjoying just being together. Zayn might not be like him, but he offered Liam breathtaking smiles and languishing grins. He offered Liam his comics, his clothes and he offered Liam a taste of a different culture. He offered Liam his _heart and soul_ , a chance for Liam to _forget_ , Zayn made Liam _happy_ , yet he realized now that he was the coward. He was the one that let Zayn slip away from his fingers and he realizes; he never did a damned thing to stop him. If he had to admit it, he’d deny it, but he was in love with Zayn, no actually, _still in_ love with Zayn and if he had one chance to show Zayn that again, this time – he wouldn’t hesitate to do so.

“Payne, Liam. Liam, Leemo, Liam, PAYNE!!”

“Christ! What do you what Louis?!”

“Are you done looking out the window like some depressed high school kid in need of salvation?”

“I am a high school kid!”

“Doesn’t mean you can pull shit like that!”

“You don’t tell me what I can and cannot do Louis.”

“It’s my car idiot, anyway what’s up?”

“Nahh it’s nothing, just something’s come up, hey Louis can you drop me off round that street please?” Liam didn’t really do rash things, but he needed to know if Zayn was ok.

“Here?!” Louis protested, “Liam you do realize where we are right? What if you get drugged, raped, mugged, murdered, I can’t have you on my conscious!”

“Nothing of that is gonna happen, Louis.”

“I know, just take care yeah, I know where you’re going Payne.” Louis chuckled.

“Well then, why do you have to ask me if you know yourself? But yeah I’m gonna see Zayn, don’t tell my Dad if he’s there yeah?”

“Yes Mr. Payne, will not know about this little tryst with the school harlot.”

“Oi! Fuck off; we _don’t even know_ if he is that.”

“It’s common knowledge though…”

“I said stop that!”

“Yeah, yeah ok. Here you go my prince.” Louis said as he stopped the car just along Zayn’s street.

“See you later you two.” He said as he stepped out. “Now get out of here; this car isn’t supposed to come to this place.”

“Fuck you.”

“See you Louis, and thanks.”

Louis’ response was a rev of the engine and a honk of the horn…as well as rolling down the window to flip him the bird. Liam chuckled and turned on his heel making his way up the stretch of road leading to Zayn’s flat.

 

*

 

“Zayn?” he said as he looked into the flat he was standing in front of, door wide open like it was forgotten at the rush to do something.

 

He walked in into almost empty flat-bits of furniture lying around but mostly empty rooms. He hadn’t been to Zayn’s house in years and never since they moved out here for sure, yet he knew where Zayn lived seeing he had begged the boy to let him take him home once or twice after when they did actually hang out.

A TV sat on a chair, on and loud yet no one was watching, with the endless ring of free box cartoons in his ears he turned around as he finally heard Zayn’s voice.

“It’s ok Wali, she’s ok, look can you see she’s fine?” He heard Zayn trying to console his sister as he walked through the flat.

“Zayn.” he said again as he opened the door that lead through the bathroom he guessed. He startled them he knew, like a deer caught in headlights. He crossed the room and picked what he guessed was Waliyha up and held the girl, not older than 6 years old tight, letting her sob on his shoulder, her hair wetting his shirt while Zayn continued to wash Safaa.

“Don’t talk for now yeah? Finish up Zayn, and don’t try to throw me out, it’s not gonna fly.” Zayn shrug and cast his eyes down to start toweling Safaa off just as she was starting to fuss.

He took Waliyha into what he thought was a bedroom, what it really was, was two mattresses and a futon laid out across the floor, one mattress obviously Zayn’s judging from the neatness of the space with the quilt actually thrown over yet no pillow. He had sketches stuck to the wall and old, second hand books piling up in the corner near the only source of light. While the other was messy and rumpled, screaming help me. He put Waliyha down and moved over to the mattress and started to order it. The pink sheets and blanket making it clear it belong to a girl. He turned again and wrapped Waliyha up fully in her towel, before moving to the futon to try and figure out, how things got to be this way.

“What happened here Wali?” he asked, eyeing the laundry basket that needed moving to the floor next to the floor. He carried it over while Waliyha snuggled into the blankets, sitting on the floor next to her.

"Mummy.”She whispered so decisively yet so utterly broken, “My mummy is gone.”

“Gone? Gone where Waliyha?” He said as she climbed all over him again.

“The morgue.” He heard a voice say, cold and emotionless.

 

It made Liam’s blood run cold.

 

“Excuse me?” He said when he regained his ability to speak standing to pick Waliyha up and move out of Zayn’s way as he laid Safaa on the futon half asleep from the bath moving to get a blanket before coming back.

“Overdosed on heroin,” he said tucking a stray hair on Safaa’s cheek behind her ear as she started to doze off gently, “She’s been – gone four months.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I came to tell you yesterday, but you just wanted to talk about football and –“

“You could have told me!”

“Come on not in here.” Zayn said as he took Waliyha from Liam and carried her over to the other mattress Liam had just made. He tucked her in, whispering something in her ear making her smile and kissed her forehead before he pointed Liam out of the house to talk.

“This way.” Zayn said as he turned to the left rounding the block and not stopping until they reached the massive opening at the back of the estate.

“Why are you here Liam? Did you not realize I was serious yesterday?”

“I kinda came to talk about that. After you left it hit me how much I missed being around you. I missed us as I was saying last night, I wanted to say sorry for not hanging out with you, I –”

“Stop that Li – seriously I don’t want your apology. We grew up, we grew apart. We both realized society is fucked up and that we are better off apart. Seriously Liam, look at you and look at me. I just told you my mother overdosed on heroin and you just walked in on me just after my little sister threw up her food on my other little sister because it was stale and I don’t have money to buy any if I wanna keep the flat. What about you, you rocked up here in some BMW, you’re wearing a pair of Levi’s, fresh out of a shower, you smell like expensive perfume and you’re in leather patent shoes – leather patent shoes Liam! You scream money – and I can’t let you be seen with someone like me. I – I just –“

“Now you stop that! Listen to me little idiot!” He said moving closer to Zayn grabbing his thin shoulders. “I’ve decided to quit football and changing my uni applications so that I stay here. I messed up big time by letting you just disappear from my life. I didn’t have my priorities straight to be honest and I really don’t care what’s right and wrong at the minute and of what my parents will say; you’re all coming home with me. My mother is off to Paris for Christmas anyway and my Dad doesn’t give a fuck. You can’t live like this.” He stops, trying to even his shaky breath out. Liam understood this was his only chance to show Zayn any sign of the love he felt when he was a kid. He really didn’t want to lose it.

“When’s the last time _you_ ate?”

Zayn didn’t reply so Liam shook him slightly not to hard just enough to make Zayn look up at him.

“3 days.” He mumbled out, barely looking at Liam.

“Right that does it.” Liam replied, he realized he just couldn’t leave Zayn alone like this; they were 17 for crying out loud, not adults! “I’m calling Maxwell for my car and you’re gonna go pack, you listening.”

Zayn just shook his head. “I can’t let you just – Liam – I can’t just – I can’t repay you if you let us live with you.”

“It’s got nothing to do with that, can you just come with me, at least I know you’re ok.”

“Wait Liam – I can’t just let you – I cannot just – “

“I can help – God Zayn.” He stopped and turned his head to look for the nearest bench. He grabbed Zayn’s hand and tugged him behind him sitting Zayn down. Zayn pulled his knees up to rest his chin on them, sighed and slid his eyes closed.

“Liam,” He started already resolved it seemed, “I can’t – I fuck things up, I fuck people up. I fuck _lives_ up. Do you think I’m gonna let you just ruin everything you’ve been working on for years – for me? I can’t let – “

“Stop that, please?” He said moving closer to Zayn, touching just the tips of his hair that was sitting on his forehead, “I can’t leave you like this, you were and maybe still are my best mate, I still know _you_ and you deserve better than this.” Zayn shook his head, leveling it and reached up to touch Liam’s cheek.

“I can’t let you – I really can’t, I’m a good for nothing, you get that? And you’re everything a son should be.” Zayn stopped, taking his hand away, Liam immediately reaching out for some – any – contact, to be met with a placating hand gently patting his away. “Liam,” Zayn said meekly, not meeting his eyes, “I’m better off dead to be honest.”

Liam stilled for a minute, looking in Zayn’s hazel eyes as they hit the angle of that afternoon sun, making his rather pale face, light up in a certain bright gold hue, that made Liam want to reach out and touch, caress, hold.

Instead he looked for Zayn’s shoulders, bringing him into his chest, letting Zayn’s face fall into the crook of his neck, Zayn’s resistance falling away as he circled his fingers around Liam, relaxing and almost melting into the touch.

“Never say those words to me again, you listening? You just can’t. You are worth more to me than money ever has. I will not lose you because of status and stereotypes and straight up bullshit. You’re coming with me and so are those girls. You deserve better Zayn, so much better than this and I swear I’ll make you believe that, before this summer’s over, you got that?”

 

He heard a muffled sob. Zayn’s muffled sob, a sob that spilt his heart in half. Liam held him; let him sob into his shoulder for what seemed like hours.

 

“Thank you.” Was all he heard, mumbled and quiet, so typically _Zayn_. Liam smiled as he squeezed Zayn into him tighter, “Come on, let’s go pack, I’m not leaving you. I promise you.” He said pulling Zayn up and intertwining their pinkies, like they did when they were kids, a gesture so second nature to them, yet so – different.

“Thank you.” Zayn said again. Smiling at him as Liam wiped off the last few tears along his cheeks.

“Always.” He said in reply. It was enough for that moment because he felt his heart might had just made it home.

 

*

 

“Can we please wait out their naps? They both barely sleep at all.” Zayn asked as they re enter the flat, Zayn walking straight to the open window for a smoke.

 “We can,” Liam smiles softly at Zayn, seeing he was witnessing Zayn breathe a little easier with each inhalation of the smoke, “but promise me to go pack.”

 “Pack what? I have nothing really Liam, nothing at all.”

 “Ok then, let’s go see what I can find.”

 “ _Liam_.”

 “ _Zayn_.” He replied in the same exasperated tone Zayn gave him then laughed.

Zayn chuckled along too, stabbing his cigarette on the sill before wandering over to the sink to wash his hands. Liam smiled at him as Zayn commented on how careful he is with the smell of smoke on his fingers around his sisters. Zayn smiled up at Liam, as if he was just happy that someone was willing to talk to him, _listen_ to him. Liam could tell that Zayn was so isolated and alone, that he had been excluded from general real conversation from what could have been months. He smiled back but his heart ached for Zayn, that he was so alone in the world so doubtful yet so hopeful that one day might be a good day.

Zayn was kinda an old soul, he was very much in his own ways and practices and Liam recognized that his sisters were like the hung moon and stars to him. He could feel it, that overwhelming force that screamed Zayn was only really still here for _them_. His heart ached when he realized Zayn being the gentle soul that he was, would never complain, never intrude into anyone’s life the way he was about to do in Liam’s.

 

Zayn’s eyes hung low as he shuffled slightly, still so unsure of himself, so uneasy with the concept of just accepting everything Liam was offering.

 

Liam knew that he was served his life on a silver platter, where his every whim was met from birth, and he realized that even though they knew each other backwards when they were younger he had never really known about Zayn’s home life, other then they spoke Urdu and had amazing curry nights – it was still much rather a mystery to him. Liam just remembered the endless hours he spent with Zayn, locked up in his room, reading the latest comics and dissecting them page by page, smiling as he remembered the way Zayn’s eyes lit up at the mention of Superman or Spiderman or their shared pajama, that Liam still had locked away. Liam remembered everything when it came to Zayn, from the peculiar way Zayn washed his hair, to the way Zayn’s back felt against his stomach, every time Zayn needed that extra comfort to sleep.

Liam knew Zayn life was never easy, he knew that when he was five just as much as he knew it now, from the screaming fits Zayn’s parents used to have daily – to the unnamed and unrecognized bruises Zayn used to have from time to time. From Zayn’s hushed out sorry’s when he rocked up at Liam’s at 1 am to the way Zayn clasped his ears every time someone simply raised his voice.

Liam looked at Zayn again, who too was looking him, standing with his feet pressed together and arms hugging himself, Liam thought that even though he looked poorly, white and pale, a deer caught in headlights of sorts, Zayn looked so out of place in this old chipped empty kitchen of his.

Zayn was too beautiful, to be in such a place. Zayn – Zayn was a riddle, a puzzle that needed solving in so many ways; a character that not only matched his features but exceeded every other expectation that Liam not only knew about but forecasted. He was in awe of Zayn still, and _that_ he wouldn’t hesitate to admit so many years on.

Liam opened his arms to get the message across what he wanted. Zayn’s brows furrowed together, before smiling and slipping back into Liam’s warm embrace whispering a gentle _‘I missed this so much Li’_   as he squeezed hard at Liam’s back. Liam simply held him. He guessed that Zayn needed some physical contact, especially after what could have been months (years) since anyone really just gave a damn.

They moved, still clinging together, so that they were quietly slipping back in the bedroom, stepping in to see the girls still both sound asleep just as they left them.

The sun was softly beaming into the room, filling it up with light seeing there was no curtains or blinds for it to hide behind, he could even make out the tiny dust particles as Zayn started to shuffle around trying to collect whatever he saw fit. Liam looked around. Zayn was right, other than the freshly laundered clothes in the basket Liam had moved by the door, one that he suspected Zayn had just brought back from the launderette; the room was sufficiently empty from anything particularly worth taking. He held out his arms so Zayn can pass him his books and sketches and a doll that he suspected it to be Safaa’s and shrugged.

“I told you.” Zayn said as he bumped into Liam a bit, smiling.

“You serious about quitting football?” he continued sitting on his side of the room pulling Liam down with him.

“Yeah, I mean it’s not something I wanted to do, it’s what I fell into.”

“Still though Liam, why are you doing this?”

 

Liam smiled a bit, dropping his head onto Zayn’s shoulder before replying,

 

“I just – I want more time with you. I’ve lost you somewhere along the way through school and social standards and some other reason I still don’t know about. I sometimes want to kick myself when I realize so many years have passed since I properly spent a day with you, Louis and the boys, they _demand_ time and effort and I don’t think I want to do that anymore, I’ve realized over the last few hours – Well since last night actually. I just don’t think I can keep up with trying to act as something I’m so not, you know and I just cannot just not talk to you neither, it’s come to a point where I literally know when and where you are, and I still don’t have the courage to come up and talk to you. I want to try to go back to where we used to be without society’s say in it.”

“I’d like that too.” Zayn said rubbing Liam’s head as it fell into Liam’s lap. He saw Zayn smile, the smile Liam had hoped to see for so long it was lining Zayn’s face again just as remembered it, only it seemed, _better_.

 

Zayn leaned down pressing a kiss to Liam’s forehead, before pulling back to pick at the collar of his hoodie like he wanted to say something but he still just – couldn’t.

 

Liam sighed, squeezing Zayn’s hand, closing his eyes, just to take in everything that is Zayn. He felt Zayn’s fingers caressing at his temple and scalp, smiling and closing his eyes, letting his mind focus on the touch, it was _different,_ it felt _good_. It was a touch Liam hadn’t had in a while, so he didn’t stop Zayn, he just squeezed Zayn palm one last time, before he too fell off to sleep.

 

*

He woke up to the same gentle caress, this time down his cheek and jaw line, the gentle touch of Zayn’s fingertips running across his face. He slowly flickered open his sleepy eyes, his hand automatically reaching up to rub at them. He heard Zayn chuckle quietly, and his hand rest on Liam’s forehead.

“How long have I been out?”

“About half hour.” Zayn said smiling down at him, it was gently and soft, it was genuine. Liam smiled and tried to stand, but Zayn stopped it with a simple, ‘ _Stay.’_

He chuckled taking Zayn’s hand started to run his fingers along Zayn. If it wasn’t for whom they were Liam would see _romance_ but this was Zayn and he knew he just needed the _touch_.

“Z, I need to call Max and see if you have anything else out there.” He said pointing to the door. Zayn smiled and retracted his hands, allowing Liam to sit up and stretch slightly, then stand to go have a little look, Zayn uttering a quiet thank you as he slid the door closed behind him. In the kitchen he found 2 Barbie cups and a lone Spiderman one. He smiled at that and turned to gather up a few blankets and a pillow from the hall next to the front door, a few cds Zayn owned and their toothbrushes, as well as Zayn’s prayer mat and Qur’an from the living room. He stopped to take out his phone and call his driver to bring out his car to Zayn’s place.

Liam realized he too was still too _new_ to this lifestyle, his dad only making it big a couple of years back, Liam had only gotten used to – luxury.  He walked back, arms full with items, to find Safaa awake in Zayn’s arms on the futon as he softly cuddled her, the sight made Liam smile sadly as he realized she was crying.

He dumped the things into the basket and scrambled over helplessly to Zayn as he realized Zayn himself was trying to hold back tears.

“She’s hungry –" Zayn begun, “and I have nothing to give her.” He explained, slumping forward, shielding her from Liam’s view, almost ashamed.

Liam needed this is stop cascading any further; it had already gone to far.

“Zayn, Zayn come on, pass her over.” He said, opening his arms, “Wake up Waliyha and dress her, she’s still in her towel and we’ll stop off at McDonald’s to get you all food. You like McDonald’s don’t you?” He said looking down at Safaa who had turned to look at him. She nodded so Liam opened his arms and climbed into them resting her head on his shoulders, as if trying to sleep again.

“Zayn we’ll  sort this out, come on.” He said as Zayn stood up to grab the clothes he needed for Waliyha. Liam was about to leave when a hand grabbed his free one.

“Stay, please.” Zayn begged. Hazel eyes huge; with hope yet expecting rejection.

“Yeah ok.” He said smiling squeezing Zayn’s hand as they moved together, pinkies still laced and bent down to coax the little girl out of her sleep.

Liam watched as Waliyha woke up a little startled hushing out a ‘Hungry, _Baba-Jaan’_ as she sat up for Zayn to be able to dress her. Zayn’s nimble fingers making quick work of her clothes and finally pulling her black hair, just like Zayn’s into a ponytail. Once she was done Zayn grabbed her bunny and placed it into her arms, so that they wouldn’t forget it. He then turned his head to face Liam; he could tell Zayn was expecting him to walk out at just that moment. If Liam was honest, it shattered his heart, to see Zayn to vulnerable, so alone, so utterly brave for not complaining for being thrown into a situation straight out of hell and still trying to keep his head up through it all.

“Come here.” He said as he moved closer to Zayn again, opening his arm out wide. Zayn fell into the hug, like he _craved_ it, needed it. Liam was the one to witness Zayn’s first break down, he knew why Zayn was so pliable under his touch, he just didn’t have the capacity to think about it so instead Liam rested his head on Zayn’s hair as he squeezed harder, but not too hard, in fear that he’ll break him. They stayed like that, Zayn, Safaa and him, Waliyha wriggling her way between them too all tangled up together, till his phone buzzed, signaling Maxwell’s arrival.

“Are you sure, you want us?” Zayn said again one last time as he reached out to take Safaa from him so that Liam could grab the basket.

“Positive, Zayn. I want to. I really do, so let me do this for you yeah?”

“Thanks.” Was all Zayn could master as he took Waliyha’s hand and made for the door.

 

*

 

“Wow! Look baba look!” was the constant mantra Waliyha was uttering right from the moment she saw Liam’s limo, which to be fair took Zayn by surprise too, and all the way since they crossed into the Liam’s side of town. Zayn didn’t reply just let her enjoy the wonder, looking at her in that fond expression of his, that really did make Liam’s heart ache in happiness. Zayn himself was sitting with his feet beneath him, trying to take up less space than humanly possible, but as least he was smiling every time Liam’s eye wondered on him. His gaze lingered – Zayn’s profile was a familiar one to him, yet now it seemed alien. Zayn had grown up a lot and now his cheekbones and jaw line where more dominant and sharp, however his soft eyes and gentle slope of his nose as well as those just dusted pink lips more than made up for the edge in his bone structure.

Liam smiled as he they made it their local McDonald’s, especially as he watched the girl’s faces light up in happiness.

“Come on then.” He said moving to the window as it rolled down, the movement made Zayn giggle; Liam thought Zayn wasn’t expecting Maxwell to be so cooperative.

“What do you want?” he said as they moved up in line, waiting their turn.

“They both have the chicken nuggets usually, but just that, they don’t exactly know about the Happy Meal.” Zayn said to Liam, almost sheepishly.

Liam smiles at him and orders them both Happy meals with extra chips smiling widely when he sees Zayn’s smile.

“What about you?” he says addressing Zayn again

“No.” Zayn says, as his smile turns to a frown and he grits his teeth harshly. “It’s ok Liam, just get the girls food - please.”

“Zayn.”

“I said I’m ok, promise.” He smiled extra wide then just to show Liam it ok, but Liam still knows it really isn’t. He wasn’t too pleased with the idea of getting Zayn nothing so he simply ordered a bag of chips anyway.

“Fine you’re not getting something big but you’re eating something yeah?” He said turning, he knew Zayn enough to know not to argue much with him, he sighed and reached out to pay the woman waiting on them. Zayn grumbled under his breath, he wasn’t too pleased but it was something small and he could get over it.

“Are you sure you’re ok?” Waliyha said poking Zayn rib lightly in effort to get his attention.

Zayn smiled down at her and pulled her up on top of him, smiling at her genuinely this time Liam noticed.

“Yes boo, I’m fine. “ He said, “Do you know you’re getting a toy with your food?”

“Toy?!” Safaa squeals from her seat next to Liam before giving Waliyha time to reply, “But baba we don’t have money for toys!” She said when she remembered who she was.

“Oh don’t say that Saf, look,” Liam says as Maxwell hands him the items, sticking his fingers into the box to pull out the small plastic bag that contained a little contraption inside, handing it over to Safaa who looked at it in wonder.

“But you eat first ok?” Zayn says looking at Liam for the first time, as Liam remembers the chips.

“Yes you eat first.” He echoed handing Zayn the carton and Waliyha her box who smiles up at him in a happy toothless grin that lit up her face as she reached for a chip, Safaa copying beside him.

“Thanks.” Zayn says, as he picks a few up, Liam was relived in just that moment.

“No problem,” He said smiling, “but promise me one thing, this isn’t enough yeah? When we get home, you’ll cook some proper dinner for them and you ok?”

“And you?” Zayn smiles automatically but quickly hardens when he realized what he just said, “Maybe – uhh sor – “

“Yes and me, now hush up.” Liam says moving closer feeling Zayn’s head falling gently on Liam’s shoulder in embarrassment more likely. Liam just gently squeezes his thigh in response, letting his gaze fall on the passing city.

 

*

 

Liam quickly texted Louis, quickly informing him that he won’t be making it to the party that night, once again it involved a lot of drugs and drinks and Liam had been constantly avoiding it for the past few months. He received a curt ‘Fuck you : ) x’ from him and Liam happily shoved his phone back in his pocket allowing him time to swallow everything that happened. He realized turning up with Zayn was a huge risk, but he was willing to do whatever to see Zayn genuinely happy – all the time.

“Baba!” Safaa shouted, pulling him out of his musing, they had arrived at the gates to Liam’s house. “Look!” she screamed pointed to the stream lining the driveway as well as the horses surrounding the plot.

“Look! It’s so big.” Waliyha echoed as she pressed the button to open the window sticking her face out to get a better look, making Zayn move behind her to get a hand on her shirt holding her tightly in place.

Zayn smiled too. Liam knew he never saw this side of his house before. Zayn tended to jump the fence at the back the estate and straight to Liam’s window. Climbing up the frame Liam had asked to be installed for that purpose. He had refused to go anywhere other than Liam’s room.

The car came to a slow stop as they arrived at the door and he quickly grabbed onto Safaa and pulled her out with him.

“Come on, Come to the house.” He said smiling looking at Zayn who shrugged. “Come on Waliyha, you too.”

This time Zayn cleared his throat and muttered,

“I’m gonna go round back and wait in your room yeah?” He said, rubbing the back of his neck and grabbing the empty McDonald’s boxes and turning away from him. Liam did want to reach out and make him walk through the front but he suspected Zayn didn’t quite feel worthy for that yet, so he let it go – once again.

“Where is Baba going?” Waliyha said tugging at his shirt to get his attention.

He smiled down at her and said, “He’s got a special ladder round back that means he’s able to get to my room without my mum and dad knowing.”

“That’s so cool.” Safaa said from his shoulder, smiling at him as she grabbed the end turfs’ of his hair at the back of his neck he laughed, that was something Zayn did when he was little too.

Zayn’s sisters really did scream ‘I’m being raised by Zayn Malik’.

“Come on.” He said dropping Safaa to her feet allowing him to grab the basket. They sprinted off into the house granting Liam time to go find his mother.

He knew he had to talk to his parents, to Zayn and to his friends at some point. He just wanted to watch Zayn’s face light up and smile again. It’s the only thing he really wanted to achieve out of this. He walked into the sprawling house, the house was huge, from the swooping staircase to the marble floor and chandeliers, Liam never really quite fitted much preferring the other house he lived in when he was little, and next to Zayn. He shrugged remembering he had no say anyway and made his way to his mother’s music room, dropping the basket next to the linen closet upstairs before he knocked on her door.

“Yes.” She said and he opened the door.

“Liam. I didn’t expect you home so early.” She said as she stopped writing on the music sheet, dropping her pencil onto the piano.

“Mum – something happened – to Zayn.”

 “Zayn? As in Zayn Malik, Zayn Liam?”

“Yeah, remember our old next door neighbor?”

“I do remember him, how’s his mother?”

“Dead.” He simple said slumping a bit by the door as he took in the gravity of what Zayn lived through each day.

“What?! Please explain hun.” She said as she moved off the piano and onto the sofa gesturing him to come forward.

He sat on the arm before he continued. “He was here yesterday – it was the first time I had seen him in months – practice and whatever else meant I just didn’t have time and I asked him to come round for a bit – we had a bit of a – fight –  and I went to see him today. Mum, he lived in a house with no lock on, with no furniture and no food and he’s been looking after his little sisters for the last four months – I just couldn’t let him stay there – they were sleeping on mattresses and I just – couldn’t. Trisha overdosed on heroin, mum. I want to help him.”

“They are kinda here, is it ok if they live with us, I mean you leaving for Paris soon and Dad is barely here. I really want to do this for them mum, like really.” He said as he sunk down into her now open arms.

“Liam, they can stay here all you want. I know how close you two used to be. I’ll talk to dad for you ok? Liam we might have to call social services if it is that bad – you know this right?”

“You can’t do that – I saw how he is with them. He’s brilliant; you’ll kill him if you take those girls away from him. Can he just live here and we’ll see how it goes – please .”

“OK, I’ll take your word for it then – now go tell him he can stay. Zayn’s a sweetheart anyway. You’ll all be just fine.” She kissed his forehead and he pushed up.

“And Liam, can I meet the little ones please?”

“Yeah, I’ll tell him and we’ll come soon.”

She smiled at him and moved back to the piano, picking up her pencil again she resumed her writing. Liam could breathe now.

 

*

 

“You mean we can stay?” Zayn sounded shocked, but then he smiled brightly he realized it _might_ be ok. He had just walked back into his bedroom, he guessed the same size of Zayn’s flat to find all three of them on the floor next to the bed while Zayn sketched them their dream castle, they were all giggling happily, suggesting ideas to him, _‘No Zayn, 4 towers, one for Liam too’ ‘and a stream like the one with this house - have you seen this house Zayn it’s so pretty.’_  He laughed and they looked up at him, Zayn visible stiffened and sat up, probably expecting the worst. Liam just kept smiling.

“Yes you can. Mum says its fine and you girls,” He said, "get your own room." Waliyha looked at him like he was crazy, so he walked over to them and simply kissed her forehead.

“Do you wanna see?” She nodded and hugged him.

“Thank you.” She said in his ear. Liam smiled and looked at Zayn, a first real look at him since they properly got to the house. He realized while he was still so heartbreakingly beautiful, he was tired, shaken and still in shock. His hair was a mess, over grown but not too much. His fringe nearly reached his eyes though, jet black and in desperate need of a wash. Liam smiled at him and pulled up taking Waliyha with him.

“Me too, me too!” Safaa screeched standing up too, making Zayn sit up with laughter.

“Yes you too Saf, but we don’t demand remember?”

“Sorry Baba.” She said kissing his cheek and running over reaching for Liam’s hand too. Zayn looked up at them smiling, yet his eyes said a different story. He shrugged and leaned back down, and started to fill in his castle.

 

*

“Zayn, Zayn.” He called softly as he opened his door again. Zayn was still in the same position on the floor, but sound asleep. Liam walked over and gently lifted up on the bed. He knew Zayn slept like a brick, so the movement didn’t wake him, however when he tried to unzip his jeans, Zayn’s hand came up to stop him; it was an automatic gesture, something Liam found oddly strange. Liam realized there was a lot more to Zayn now, than he was ready to tell him. 

Liam left after a while to go grab the basket, returning to see Zayn had shifted slightly; his hands tightly holding the hem of his shirt, but he was still fast asleep. Liam smiled softly and went to work sorting their things out. Settling on his knees, he started with the girls clothing and then Zayn’s, placing them into little piles. They all didn’t have much yet, Zayn’s pile coming up to the grand total of 5 items (2 pairs of underwear, a pair of socks a hoodie and a pair of sweats), but he guessed to him (them) it was a lot.

He picked up Zayn’s prayer mat, unrolling it. He carefully laid Zayn’s Qur’an on the dresser remembering Zayn’s _‘never on the floor Liam’_ years ago. Then his books in a pile on the mat along with a couple of sketch books, that Liam guessed Zayn filled through the years and Zayn’s little sketches into another pile just on top of them.

Quickly flipping through the torn out pages, he realized all of them were either Waliyha or Safaa, mostly sleeping or playing, laughing and one even little Safaa dancing around their empty living room, the likeness was impeccable Liam thought.

However the one that struck him was a half finished sketch of a woman sitting on the futon he recognized, injecting herself. Head lifted up, looking at the ceiling yet eyes closed, enjoying her high.

“That’s mum.” Zayn said softly from behind him as he rested his chin on Liam’s shoulders. Liam turned his head to look at him, then back at the paper.

“It was the last time we saw her,” He explained further,

“Other than when I had to identify her at the morgue of course.” Zayn’s voice was cold and flat. He was stating facts, not how he felt.

“Are you ok though? Like how are _you_?”

Zayn laughed blankly, clinical and hollow.

“How do you think I am? I’m just great.” He said, pulling back from Liam, lying on his back, propping his head in his hands and for once looking Liam straight in the eyes.

Liam shuffled closer, reaching out and thumbing Zayn’s jaw slowly.

Zayn didn’t move away, he actually leaned into the touch a bit. Liam kept moving his thumb slightly, more for his benefit rather than Zayn’s.

“Really, how are you Z?”

Zayn sighed before he even contemplated replying. Liam could tell he was asking a lot out of Zayn already.

“Like shit, honestly, Li.” Zayn whispered, “It’s like a never ending nightmare, at home – at school – at work. I just can’t do this for much longer.”

Liam moved closer so that he was lying down like Zayn, mirroring Zayn as he propped his own head in his hands.

“Well the home part will be better now, what do you mean school, and work?”

“Yes Liam, home will be much better, now that you’re gonna give my sisters a life I could never give them, you’re giving them food and a safe place to live, do you know how inadequate that makes me feel?”

“Hey stop that –”

“What Liam, stop what? I’m someone that this society fucks up and forgets, why should _you_ give a shit about me, and yeah school, I blew Adam on the school team 2 years ago – your teammate and now I’m the god damn school slut – no one wants me Liam, no one – yet apparently I shagged half the year – and work, I work at this shitty café on my side of town, let’s just say I hate it.”

Zayn sighed again and sat up; drawing his legs in so that his head was resting on his knees and closed his eyes. He really did look defeated.

“Sorry,” Zayn said, “you really shouldn’t be dealing with my shit.”

Liam moved so that he was sitting directly in front of Zayn, he however was sitting on his legs.

“Zayn –” He knew did didn’t have the right words to comfort him. He _knew_ but he wanted to, he wanted to be there for Zayn, with everything he had.

“I know it’s been years since we properly spent time with each other, I know, but I want to if you’ll let me – I want to get to know you again, you were the shy little nerd at the back of the class, I’d really like to see if you’re still that little boy, who dreamt big, the little boy with nothing to lose. The boy that only could show how he felt through his sketches, the boy that knew the pages of the Spiderman comics backwards, I know you Zayn, well I knew you – and I’d really like to know you now too.”

Zayn’s eyes flickered open, huge and dilated black. Liam didn’t quite expect Zayn to seem so shaken, he took a finger and started to rub just underneath Zayn’s ear. He could feel Zayn relax and lean into his touch again.

“I’m serious.” He said and pulled Zayn up with him, grabbing Zayn’s arms pulling him upright.

“Come on, you need a shower and then my mum wants to see you and the girls ok?”

Zayn nodded at him and smiled.

“Liam?”

Liam smiled back.

“Thank you.”

“Always.” He said as Zayn reached out to hug him, all Liam could do was smile.

 

*

 

“Payne!” Louis screeched from the receiver as Liam took the phone away from his ear letting Louis’s bitch fit pass. “- mean you aren’t coming? – You have to come, you’re the damned striker!”

“Sorry Lou, not tonight – the gate won’t be opened and if you jump it and run up to the house. I won’t open the door.”

“What’s the sudden change?”

“You don’t care and I’m not about to tell you – now go get yourself drunk and laid and leave me in peace.” After that he simple hung up on Louis.

“Liam?” He heard after about 10 minutes.

“Liam?”

“Yeah?” He said not turning his attention from his laptop.

“Do you have a hoodie not a shirt please?” He looked up then. Zayn stood gingerly resting his head against Liam’s poster bed, still totally covered up with his towel. Though he could see he was wearing the sweats he gave him, Zayn’s pair far too old and used he deemed.

He moved off the bed and walked into his closet, grabbing the smallest hoodie he could find, meaning it to fit Zayn properly without it looking like it’s drowning him.

“Here” He said smiling at Zayn, handing it him, Zayn smiled softly, face filling with relief and swiftly nodded before shuffling backward out of the room. Leaving Liam both worried and flabbergasted.

 

*

“Do you think we can always stay here?” He heard Safaa ask just as he was about to knock on the door he had placed Zayn’s sisters in.

"I don’t know baby girl. I don’t know how long Liam will want us.”

“What do you mean?” Waliyha asked.

“Well, look at us, what did mummy call us?”

“Poor.” Safaa answered.

“Exactly, and what is Liam?”

“Rich.” Was the reply.

“Yes. That’s right, while you might be lovely, I will not let Liam give up his everything  for us. So we might go back home soon.”

“But – we don’t have beds there or warm water or anything.” Waliyha said.

“Yes but at least we’ll be together.  If we stay here Mr. and Mrs. Payne might have you taken away from me because I can’t take care of two little girls on my own.”

“No! Baba no!” Safaa shrieked, “That can’t happen can it?”

“It can, but I swear we’ll go before it does.”

“Oh _Baba-Jaan_ ,” Waliyha started tone already defeated “I want to stay here, I really do but not if it means we can’t live with you.”

“Me too.” Safaa says.

The conversation ended there and the quiet resumed for a while, Liam leaned his head against the door trying to figure out how to tell Zayn that he won’t separate them. He just wanted them to be happy.

“Liam?” he heard from the landing. “Liam will you come into my office please?”

His father had just got home. Great.

 

*

“What do you mean we have another teenage boy and two little girls in the house? Is he insane?” This time Liam didn’t stop to eavesdrop, he just opened the door to his Dad’s domain. His Dad as expected was sat behind his desk, prime position in the middle of the room, book selves lining the walls, thick curtains covering the windows pains, slightly parted, and letting the evening settling sun into the room.

“Will you please explain yourself to me Liam,” With that Liam’s head snapped up to finally address his father. “What on earth possessed you to do such a thing? “ His dad was saying.

“Friendship and Love.” He simply said as he turned to close the door as quietly as possible before turning around and walking straight up to the desk.

“I’ve been in love with this boy since I was 5; I think I know what love looks like.  Look I don’t have the time or the patience to tell you why I did what I did today, but I couldn’t leave him in such a state. He’s not eaten properly in 3 days and his little sisters were crying out for food. Do we really have to be that heartless that you’re even contemplating throwing them out right after they get a break from their misery. I want them to stay; I want to get to know Zayn again. I want to see him smile in the way he did when we were little. I don’t want you to try and understand where I’m coming from, you won’t, but we have 6 empty rooms and 5 empty bathrooms and I have a friend – possibly more soon – who can’t sleep at night because he needs to stand guard by the damned door because he doesn’t have a lock on it. Look at us, we barely have family meetings, we barely talk. We barely say a word to each and then I look at Zayn and Waliyha and Safaa and I want to cry because the love they have is something that is way beyond what’s normal. They call him _baba_ because they respect him as such. I really don’t know what else to say to you, this family has been through hell and I just couldn’t sit there and watch their lives fall apart even more.”

Liam stopped and sat on the chair opposite his dad, next to his mum who reached out to squeeze his arm, so he continued,

“Oh and I’m dropping football after this final and I’ve changed my university places to stay in this area. I’m sorry Dad no University of Cambridge for your son.”

He shrugged sagging into the chair a bit.

“Look I’m not doing this out of spite or something, I just really think it’s time I start doing things my way. I’m not about to puppeteer; we have all done that enough. I want to live my life – the way I want to – and that includes Zayn and his sisters. I don’t know Dad; I just want to be Liam – not Liam Payne inheritor of Payne’s family millions.”

“Liam – “ His father started leaning back on his chair looking at Liam like he had just confessed to murder, “You do realize you’re giving up everything you’ve been working for since your GCSE year to a boy who possibly doesn’t even like boys!” He stopped and moved forward, resting his elbows on the desk, “I wasn’t about to throw them out, but I was about to contact social services even thought your mum said no but now you said it too so it seems that won’t be happening now either. Look I don’t know what you see in this boy, after all his mother was a drug addict and his father walked out but they’ll stay – until you want them to.”

“Karen,” He continued turning to his mother, “do we have spices and chicken?” His dad smiled, “If I remember correctly it’s the only thing Trisha used to have in the house.”

Liam looked at his mum, pencil behind her ear, hair tied in a knot on top of her head, glasses slipping from the bridge of her nose. She was smiling, looking at his dad like he had announced the cure to cancer.

“I do.” She said standing up to lean over the desk to kiss his Dad’s forehead.

“Thanks.” She said, pulling back turning to Liam, “I’m gonna call them down see what they want to eat ok?”

“Don’t, call them please, but Zayn’s cooking tonight; let him he’s not done it in ages.”

“Yes ok, Mr. Bossy.” She said smiling, patting his shoulder as she turned for the door.

“Liam.” His dad said, making Liam turn his attention back to him. “I really want to say, that even though this is kind of sudden and rash, I’m proud of you for taking such a step, to just make a friend happy. I don’t think I would have done that when I was your age. Go, you are excused and tell Zayn, I’m happy to have him here and his little sisters and I’ll be expecting my bit of curry at the dinner table with all of you tonight. You’re right we barely talk. It looks like some changes need to be made.”

Liam stood up from the plush leather chair and made his way to the door himself. Last minute he turned to his Dad again and uttered out a simple thank you. His Dad simply smiled.

Liam always thought his Dad didn’t give a fuck, always believing that he had other, better things to do than spend time with him, but it seemed that it wasn’t because his Dad didn’t want to; it was because he just didn’t know where to start all.

 

*

 “That’s Waliyha and this one is Safaa.” He could hear Zayn say to his mum as he made it through to the kitchen.

“How old are you baby girls?” His mum said as she looked at the girls. Zayn was leaning on the counter, watching his little sisters make fools of themselves trying to impress his mum, he was laughing softly fondly looking at Safaa twirling around before stating he’s four.

“Let me guess your age Waliyha.” He said as he crossed the room and took a seat at the breakfast bar, smiling at his mum as Waliyha reached out for him to pick her up.

“Let me guess – “He said pretending to think for a minute before stating,

“5?” Waliyha shook her head laughing.

“8?” She laughed harder and shook her finger to say no again.

“Close!” She squealed out just as Zayn moved over to pretend to whisper in his ear only getting a broken laugh but a

“No, no Baba!” from Waliyha, “You can’t tell Liam. He’s gotta guess, move away.” She said snapping her fingers to make him move back to the counter. Zayn didn’t move, he rested his head on Liam’s shoulder instead.

“Hmm, let’s see,” He said again as she turned her attention towards him. “You’re not 5 and you’re not 8, which means, hmmm, 6! You’re 6!”

She grinned and starting clapping her hands wildly.

“You got it,” She said. “I turned 6 last week!” She smiled happily, not understanding the implications of what she had just said. Zayn stiffened a bit behind him and silently moved away, picking up Safaa and moving her to the kitchen counter, dropping a kiss on her forehead and standing up properly to look at all the places the things he needed could be stored in.

“Here hunny,” His mother said as she walked over to Zayn and placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Everything spicy, you’ll need is in here.” She said, leaving Zayn and pushing open the door to the pantry. “I took out some chicken breast a while ago, you can see it sitting there by the sink and the pans and cutlery are here.” She said opening a bottom cupboard and a drawer next to the sink.

“Tell you what, I’ll take the girls to town, while you cook – would you like that girls? And come home for dinner in let’s say 2 hours? I’ll take them off your hands a bit; you’ve been doing a wonderful job Zayn, really.”

“Yeah ok Mrs. Payne,” He smiled up at her, his cheeks flushing red as he turned to the girls himself.

“Remember,” He said looking at Waliyha, “We don’t – “

“Demand, yes I know Baba.” She smiled happily tugging at Liam’s collar to put her down, running over to Zayn hugging his legs, but he noticed not too tight. Zayn winced a little bit then smiled and bent down to hug back. He moved to help Safaa off the counter and she hurried over to him too. He whispered something to them and then smiled and hugged his shoulders before pulling away, allowing Zayn to stand up to return at the task at hand.

“Zayn?”

“Yes Mrs. Payne?”

“Can you cook for 6 please?”

“Yeah, I can do that.” He said smiling at her as his mum picked up Safaa and started to move to the door.

“Oh and Mrs. Payne?”

“Yes hun?”

“Thank you.”

His mother turned around and smiled before waving them off as she hurried the girls to the car, to catch the shops before they close.

Liam moved out of Zayn’s way as Zayn started to twirl around the kitchen, starting on dinner with a certain grace to him. From the way he peeled the onion to the way the he threw the ginger and garlic in the pan – letting them sizzle gently. Zayn moved certain tact, carefully on the balls of his feet as he gently sauntered around the space provided for him, as if he belonged there. He watched smiling; simply taking in the beauty that is Zayn.

“You know Liam; you don’t have to stare at me.” Zayn chuckled, bringing Liam out of his quiet musing he had fallen into.

“Sorry, I just know how much cooking means to you.”

“It’s something my daadi taught me,” He said shrugging, “it’s not something you can’t learn.”

“Still though, it’s kinda amazing.”

“Liam nothing I do is amazing remember?” He said as he tossed the chicken slices in another pan as the curry was coming to a boil.

“You do, you just don’t know it.” He said moving closer next to Zayn, standing opposite him just by the island.

“You’re just saying that because, I’m making you dinner.” Zayn laughed moving away from Liam to go get the tomato paste.

“No, I mean it.” He said again, this time moving closer to Zayn, grabbing his hips and turning him round, so that he could look Zayn straight in the eye. Zayn closed his eyes though, as if he couldn’t bear to look at Liam, so close up.

“I mean it,” he said again, his voice a mere whisper. “And I have a lot of time to make you believe me. I’m serious Zayn are you listening to me?” Zayn nodded and Liam kissed right below his still closed left eye. Zayn flinched, taken aback.

“Liam – don’t do that again – _please_. It’s one thing to allow you to do this for my sisters but I can’t have you even consider falling for me. I’m bad news Liam, I already am fucking up those little girls lives, do you really think I’m gonna let you fuck up yours too because of _me_?!” He said,eyes huge, suggesting imminent tears – like it broke him apart to say those words. He started to rub the back of his neck, his face burning, and the tips of his ears scarlet.

“And while I’m at this, don’t drop football, don’t change your university applications, you don’t have to do that to spend time with _me_. You’re planning on wasting your time,  with me when you can go spend it with people like you, not wash ups that are about to fail their A-levels, wash ups with no money and no food.”  He stopped and slid his eyes close, breathing out heavily – trying not to break.

“We’ll leave tomorrow,” He hushed, “it’s the only way to get you to stop with this crazy plan of yours.”

“Stop it!” He said then, moving close to Zayn again, pushing him against the counter, gently looking him, trying to figure out his thought process.

“What if I tell you, I’m already in love with you, how can I make you believe you’ve had me gone since we were 5 years old?” Zayn squawked, surprised, Liam moved closer wrapping his arms around Zayn’s torso wanting to get it all out before he lost his sudden burst of courage, “I’m not expecting you to love me back, hell no, but I mean it when I say I want to see you and those girls happy. We might not exactly fit into stereotypes, but I don’t give a fuck about that. You’re not a wash up, seriously. You have an amazing way with kids, you draw like Michelangelo, you as far as I know, you can touch any subject and a big red A will be slammed on the page. Zayn as little kids I wanted to be like _you._ I wanted to be as fast a runner as you. I wanted to be able to learn the comic books as quickly as you. I wanted to know what it’s like to seamlessly fit into 2 cultures at once. I knew you backwards till we were twelve years old. That’s six years worth of things I want to catch up on. Will you give me the chance to prove to you that yes, Zayn you’re so worth it, and so wanted, and even though this shit, you’re here in my house because it means your sisters get a bed tonight, and a full tummy. You refused to even enter the front door; do you really think you’re _that_ beneath us?”

“Zayn, come on, open your eyes, you’re ok.” He said after a few minutes of Zayn silently crying.

“Come on,” He coaxed "its ok." He said pulling away to grab a tissue, but Zayn’s hand reached out to grab his fingers before he could quite fully reach the kitchen roll, instead he started to slowly dab away the tears with the pad of his thumb.

“Don’t go.” Zayn muttered, softly, shyly.

“I won’t, I promise.” Liam replied pulling Zayn into a hug. They didn’t kiss; there was no grand gestures, no unattainable promises, no sudden epiphanies. They just stayed close together, just holding each other in relative quiet until Zayn decided to add water to the curry before it burnt, moving away from Liam with a small smile and a squeeze of the hand, uttering a simple thank you.

Zayn had asked for one thing, and that was for him to stay and Liam was gonna be sure, it’s the one thing he’ll never break.

 

*

“Zayn, come on.” He coaxed as he and Zayn started to set the table.

“Liam, I’m fine, please, can you stop this?”

“The whole point of this is to get you to eat, come on!”

“Leave it, please.”

“I’m gonna get food in you whether you like it or not.”

Zayn didn’t reply, he went about making the final preparations for them all to eat, the girls and his mum, arriving a mere twenty minutes before dinner was ready, bursting in with a rush of energy, bags full of things his mum had bought for them, Zayn wasn’t exactly pleased but he couldn’t help but smile as he watched Safaa and Waliyha open all their new clothes and toys.

“Liam?” Zayn said easing him out of his musing, “I’m gonna go upstairs now, call them food’s waiting, don’t let it get cold yeah?”

“Zayn you need to eat something though.”

“I already said I’m fine, now please let me go.”

“Wait!” He called stepping forward grabbing Zayn’s hand and taking off up the stairs, Zayn with him. He raced his way through his house up two flights of stairs and a winding one to the attic – his own private space to study, locking the door firmly behind them when he yanked Zayn in too.

“What the fuck was that Payne?” Zayn screeched, but he was laughing, heavily leaning into Liam as he dragged them further into the room.

“I just wanted to show you something.” Liam said taking Zayn’s hand and moved to the heavy wooden oak chest at the corner of the room.

“What is it?” Zayn asked sitting on the floor next to the chest waiting for Liam to – do something.

“Look.” He said opening the lid and taking out several old, yellowed sheets of paper, handing them to Zayn.

 “Shit – no Liam you couldn’t have – I thought – I thought you would have thrown all this away years ago.”

“How could I – everything in here, yeah it reminds me of you.”

“Oh Liam – " Zayn said again, moving onto his knees to shuffle closer.

“Liam, “He started again, “Liam I drew this when I was 6!” Zayn said holding up the paper in wonderment, it was simple 2 little boys under a giant tree, inscribed with a ‘Z+L’ something that still made Liam smile, their bikes thrown to one side, the sun setting in the horizon, Zayn already was a good artist by then, he just didn’t know it.

“Yeah, I know.” Liam said taking more mementos out; from little match box cars to their Valentines cards to each other.

“Remember these?” He said handing the cards to Zayn, smiling.

“Yeah, I do, God we were so young back then.” They stayed like that, reminiscing in their old memories, sifting through the chest, until Liam found what he was looking for.

“Look.” He said smiling, handing Zayn the pajama. Zayn let go off the sheets and held it up in his hands like he couldn’t believe he was seeing it again. Zayn smiled, with glee that he hadn’t seen in a while.

“This is just – amazing Liam.” He said, holding up the pants he used to be so fond of. “I’ve not seen this since I was 8! And it still smells like you.” He was giggling, happy and sated.

Liam smiled, “Do you believe me now?”

Zayn didn’t reply, he simply leaned over to press a chaste kiss on Liam’s lips – not a proper first kiss Liam thought, but it was Zayn, it was more than good enough. Zayn pulled back slightly, pressing their foreheads together.

“I just –“He began, whispering like it was an abomination to talk. “This is all new to me, being in love, being loved back, being wanted _somewhere_. I’ve not felt that since my dad walked out over nine years ago, Liam – do you know what it feels to not feel – wanted – by your own family? I didn’t want to believe in what you are saying because you deserve so much better than _this_ – then _me_ – you just deserve the world on a plate and Liam, and I - I can’t offer you _that_.”

Liam smiled slowly, he was expecting those word if he had to be honest with himself. He searched for Zayn’s fingers, before answering.

“I don’t care, honestly. It’s you I want. I want to look at you and see a smile etched across your face every single day, I want you to stand up straight while walking through the school corridors, to not go hideaway where you do. I know about your love of Shakespeare, I know you can quote it to me offhandedly, I know about maths – and that you’ve been tutoring the Year 7 since our Year 10. I know that you pick your sisters up from nursery and school and take them to the school showers because you have no warm water in that flat. Zayn I _know_ ,” He said thumbing Zayn’s hip now with one hand and playing with Zayn’s fingers in the other, looking at those hazels like his life depended on it, “and sometimes I want to hit myself twice over, because you don’t deserve that. No one deserves that, but you’re labeled and mistreated and you’re too shy to speak up and tell them it’s not the case. I know you Zayn, even if it has been from afar, I’d like you to give me a chance to prove it to you.”

“Liam?” Zayn asked; face flushing red, biting at his lip, his right hand combing through his thick black hair like he couldn’t believe what Liam had just actually said.

 He smiled at him before; “Hmm?”

“ _Kiss me_?” and with that request, Liam did. He fitted and molded his mouth. Pressing and pushing against Zayn’s lips, chewed and bitten yes but he didn’t care, because Liam was finally in the arms of a boy he had adored since his childhood and he honestly didn’t give a fuck about anything anybody had to say about it, because Liam knew he was in love, and that’s all that really mattered.

Zayn pulled back, almost shyly, a soft smile spreading across his face. Liam couldn’t resist and leaned in to press a little kiss on Zayn’s nose.

“Will you eat with us at the table now?”

Zayn gave a slight nod and began to sit up.

“Liam?”

“Hmm?”

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Everything.”

“Always.” Liam said lacing their hands together and making their way down to the dining room again, Zayn smiling at his sisters as they entered; now eating happily away while entertaining his parents with the stories Zayn had told them about him growing up with Liam. His Dad didn’t even look twice when he saw their connected pinkies simply smiling and calling them over to join them. Liam didn’t usually have epiphanies but he thought tonight as he and Zayn where playing footsy under the table, brushing Zayn’s upper thigh once or twice, making Zayn blush and his little sisters laugh till it hurt, he thought this is how it had always should be, and even if it took Liam a while to get Zayn to believe him when he said he loved him, it was the one thing he was damned sure he’ll do.

 

*

“Liam! Liam!” His mother was calling him just as he and Zayn had finished piling the plates into the dishwasher.

“Liam, honey.” She said again making her way to the kitchen stopping at the counter. “Louis is here, well at the gates – he said there is some party going off toni – “

“Mum – “He stopped her and sighed heavily leaning against Zayn for support. “ I don’t care, all we do is get drunk and then I’ll rock up here at 3 am – I really just don’t want that tonight – or any night for that matter. Can you please just send him away?”

His mum smiled and picked up the house phone to call the intercom system that would reach Louis and Liam took the time to fully lean into Zayn, turning his whole body to the point where they were touching everywhere, Zayn sheepishly moved his arms to go around Liam’s waist.

“Liam?” Zayn said barely containing a giggle.

“I have prayers and I need to wash the girl’s hair. Is that ok?”

Liam pulled back slightly, planting a soft kiss to Zayn’s forehead his own hands making their way to Zayn’s waistband at the top of his sweats.

“How long will they take?” Liam asked.

“Well seeing there are two I need to make up and the last one tonight I’d say an 30 minutes and washing the girls hair, maybe an hour, Can you do that?”

“Yes I can do that.” Liam smiled taking Zayn’s hand and tugging him along to his room again. They stopped by the living room where Waliyha and Safaa where being introduced to the wonders of Disney films but his Dad. Zayn leaving Liam for a moment to walk over and whisper to Waliyha about Liam guessed was about the hair washing. She smiled and jumped across the sofa to tell Safaa who squealed in return. Liam grinned when Zayn walked over to him again telling him to run up to his room to grab his mat while Liam waited in the attic, to actually get some homework done.

“So what is this place?” He heard Zayn ask barely 5 minutes after settling at his desk, Zayn leaning against the door frame smile huge on his face.

“It’s where I live really.” He said smiling looking around. The attic wasn’t huge, but it housed everything within its contained space from his huge music collection to most of his clothes.

“Come on.” He said again, it’s not gonna kill you.” Zayn chuckled at that and moved slowly into the room. Liam realized he wasn’t only holding his prayer mat and Qur’an he had his sketchbooks with him too. Zayn placed those on the sofa along with his prayer book and left the mat on the floor while he moved to the bathroom. Looking at Liam for permission, who nodded and Zayn moved into the room, locking it firmly behind him.

Liam took the time to walk over to the books. He opened the oldest looking one and was immediately met with a picture of him when he was about six. Liam smiled and started to turn the page over. Each sleeve revealed a new picture of Liam, sleeping, playing, writing, swimming.

Liam sat there marveling at the pages. Opening up the other books to bare out every bit of detail that he saw in Zayn’s soul. _Liam_.

Liam finally laid his eyes on the last book, a thinner book of sorts, it had less images of him but more detailed, more pronounced – more time consuming. He heard the door open and heard Zayn’s little shuffle and his plonk to the floor next to Liam.

“You know, I was going to show you these after prayer,” Zayn said, “but I see you found them yourself.” He was grinning, from ear to ear actually, something Liam found quite endearing.

“How did I never – see you draw any of these?”

Zayn crawled over closer taking the oldest sketchbook in his hand and flipped it back to the front again.

“Look at that.” Zayn said pointing to a little date, in which he recognized what Zayn’s handwriting when he was nine.

“I started these when my parents were fighting everyday and all I could ever think about was _you_. I was already sketching you from memory whenever I could but then I had asked for a sketchbook and started to stick them down in order of how I drew them.” Zayn explained.

Liam looked at the date again _12-1-2004_  and realized it was Zayn’s last proper birthday before his excuses began. Zayn never wanted anything after that and he never took anything Liam bought him home with him neither. Liam reached out to grab Zayn’s hand smiling brightly at him before pulling him in.

“Zayn – you’re amazing you know that? All these years I thought I was the only one loving you, but as it turned out – you too where loving me back. I really don’t know what else to say – I’m utterly amazed.”

Zayn fell lightly into Liam’s lap, his legs going slack from beneath him.

“Don’t – I just wanted to show you that it wasn’t just you that it was me too – but tomorrow we both know you’re gonna walk into that school and be the school captain again – and I’m still going to be the same nobody that I was today – yesterday – the last 2 years.”

“You’re a bigger idiot then I thought you were Zayn Malik.” Liam smiled down pinching his nose.

“Tomorrow I’m gonna walk into that school with you next to me and yes, _holding your hand_.”

“Really?”

“Positive.”

“Promise me one thing.” Zayn said closing his eyes tight, before whispering, “Don’t make me sit at the lunch table with you, please Liam – _I just can’t do that_.”

Liam pressed his fingertips to Zayn’s cheek, rubbing slowly, soothing, comforting.

“Okay, I promise.” He said, grinning himself when he saw the smile that spread across Zayn’s face as he opened his eyes.

“Thanks.”

“Always.

And with that Liam watched Zayn get up with a final squeeze of the hand and laid out his mat at the side of the room. Liam had watched him pray a handful of times, since he had began his lessons; however Liam hadn’t been privy to the ritual for years, that didn’t mean a thing seeing he still remembered exactly what happened and the aura Zayn created. He smiled as he watched Zayn start his _Takbir_ before moving to his desk again, grabbing his phone to fire off a few texts to Louis and Niall still listening in on the gentle hum of  _‘Allahu akbar’_   coursing through the room, the only phrase he had any idea of what it meant. Zayn in prayer moved like he had in the kitchen earlier. Grace and poise, with dignity. Liam thought one of the little pieces he hadn’t handed over yet, and as Zayn head touched the floor bowing to his _Allah_ , Liam felt the intrusion his presence created – so he simply dipped his head in reflection looking down at the sheets in front of him and smiled.

He received a reply to Louis’ text, particularly bitchy to which he didn’t bother replying to simply smiling again – knowing Louis would be perfectly fine in the morning, and got to work on his reference sheets – he wanted them to be ready so they were able to be handed in the following morning. He worked for a solid forty five minutes before Zayn’s mantra fully stopped. He turned his head slightly to see Zayn sitting on sofa pulling on his other sock, Liam waved him over, watching as Zayn rolled up his mat and placed it just by the arm of the sofa, grabbing his Qur’an, a simply blue hardback book but with beautiful gold inscriptions running in every possible angle and his sketchbook, Zayn made his way over to Liam, placing them on top of his forms while turning to Liam smiling. Liam opened his arms, and though hesitant, Zayn sat on his lap, Liam’s arms going round him to keep him safe.

_Protected._

“You remembered.” Zayn whispered his hands up thumbing at Liam’s jaw.

“Remembered what Z?”

“ _The Qur’an_ –“ he emphasized pointing to the book on the desk, “it wasn’t on the floor when I went to get them.”

Liam chuckled, “I remember everything that has to do with you of course I remember that it shouldn’t go on the floor.”

 Zayn kissed his forehead, Liam guessing a silent thank you.

“What’s this then?” Reaching to grab the sketch book and bringing it in the middle of them.

“This one is the one I leave for the most detailed drawings – of _you_.” Zayn giggled.

Liam started to flip the pages again landing on a page that showed Liam on the pitch just about to strike a goal. It was brilliant – actually amazing.

“I thought you don’t watch my games.” Liam stated smiling.

“What if I tell you my sisters and I have been watching you play for the last year. We tend to stay at the far side though, and never next to people. I really can’t have the school know I wash them in their showers to have some warm water on them once in a while. That one is from memory though – It’s what I do when they go to bed. I can’t really sleep usually.”

“This is incredi –“Zayn stopped him, putting a finger on his lips, while smiling sadly down at Liam.

“Stop that – maybe you’re right but it’s not going anywhere – so please just stop that.”

Liam didn’t quite fancy giving up that easily.

“Let me say what I’ve been thinking since I’ve seen these can I?”

He let Zayn nod before he started, grabbing at Zayn’s arms lightly to bring Zayn’s hands into his own.

“What if you applied for an art program – like what if you took a chance and applied for uni too and Zayn don’t give me – I don’t have time – or the – I can’t do it – because I know I can, you just have to think of you for now – if you get on the program it means a stable future for your little sisters you get that right?”

Zayn’s eyes fell closed but he tightened the grip on Liam’s fingers as if he was afraid to let go.

“I’ve thought about it – I really have but who would actually want to take me on. I come with problems – and lack of funds – I don’t even have the money to apply to uni, let alone do the most expensive course out there Liam.”

“I’ll help you there, not with the cost of the course; I know you’d rather kill yourself than take that much amount from me but with getting you onto the forms and paying UCAS would you?” Zayn kept his eyes closed, as if to actually contemplate what Liam had proposed.

“Yeah,” He whispered, “I’d like that yeah, and we have till the middle of January yeah?”

“We do, that’s nearly 2 months away, and do you think you can write a personal statement by then?”

“Liam I can write it tonight if I wanted to.” Zayn giggled, excited.

“I know.” Liam said chuckling too – yeah he’s finally getting somewhere with Zayn.

“Zayn?”

“Hmm?”

“Thank you”

Zayn smiled hands coming up to play with Liam’s hair.

“Always – And I really need to go wash the girls hair right now –” He said looking at the watch on the wall, “It’s nearly 8pm and they are usually in bed by 9. “

”Yes, _baba_. “ Liam said smiling wide as Zayn’s cheeks flushed very red hue.

“Oi!” Zayn said slapping his chest slightly laughing though.

“Seriously, why do they all call you that?”

“I don’t know. I guess it’s what I’ve always been to Safaa and Waliyha picked it up, although they do drop it when people aren’t around. I don’t mind it really. “

“I love that they adore you so much. I might have competition for your affections Mr. Malik.”

“Never Mr. Payne –” Zayn said burying his face in Liam’s collar grinning, “Anyway they’ve heard me babble on about you since they were toddlers. They know, don’t worry.” Zayn said smiling as he pulled back.

“Come on, before they fall asleep.” Zayn said moving himself and the sketchbook off Liam to get to his things on the sofa.

“Leave them in here, it really doesn’t matter.” He said taking hold of Zayn’s hand and rushing down the stairs, only stopping when they got to the living room.

“You really have got to stop that Li! Twice in one night – you’re gonna give me a heart attack!” Zayn said slapping his chest before walking over to over to Safaa, who was happily eating her popcorn next to his mum.

“Barely.” He laughed out.

“Saf, come on so I can get you to bed as soon as possible, please.” Zayn said as she gingerly gave the popcorn to his mum so she could jump into Zayn’s arms.

“That’s it baby girl.” He said as he pulled himself straight.

“Come on then.” He said turning to Waliyha as he started out the room and to the stairs, grinning fondly at Liam as Waliyha ran into in him in the rush to get upstairs, leaving his mum smiling at them happily.

“Come Liam love, you must have had a hell of a day.” She said patting the space just previously occupied by Safaa, reaching out to place the bowl on the coffee table .

“I think it’s been alright – at least he’s smiling now.”

“What do you mean exactly?”

“Not much, it’s just Zayn doesn’t want – anything – if possible, he didn’t even want to eat – mum – eat! The food he conjured up himself from thin air, I don’t know, I love him to bits but he’s holding back – something – something is there and it isn’t allowing him – to accept this – any of this.”

His mum grabbed his shoulders pulling him down, his head into her lap, letting Liam happily fall into her embrace.

“Hush up now,” His mum started, “It might be nothing – or it might be big, we don’t know, one thing I can say to you is you didn’t give up on him – it’s been so many years Liam – he’s given you the chance hasn’t he?” Liam nodded so she continued, “So take it and love him the way you do when you commit to something. From what I heard today, he’s a darling and those girls think the world of him, they couldn’t stop for one second, it was adorable, and it reminded me of how you used to constantly talk about him when you were their age. I don’t know what else to tell you love, other than follow what’s in here.” She said poking a finger at his chest, meaning his heart. With his mother it had always been this way – it was when his Dad was always busy and Liam wasn’t allowed out, that he’d sit with her in her music room and listen to her compose lyrical magic for the teaching post in London she had taken on the last few years – to just do something. They sat like that, for the best part of an hour watching the film play out, and slowly coming to an end.

“Why don’t you go up and have a look how he is with them. I’d say he’ll make a good dad one day.”

“Liam, despite your father’s reservation, don’t let his past, his issues – his parents, get in the way of what you feel about him. You get that?” Liam nodded and she pressed her hand into his shoulder sitting him up before standing and shutting off the TV.

“Go then.” She said smiling urging him quietly out of the room. Liam loved the way his parents never really batted an eyelid about his sexuality, it wasn’t that big of a deal when he told his mum they won’t be getting a daughter in law further down the line, but a son instead. It’s one of the things they always saw eye to eye on. Liam felt blessed like that.

He wondered through the house before getting to the bathroom, as expected Zayn was using the one in the attic, seeing it was the only one he knew where it was, his own room only containing a shower; something utterly unsuitable for two fussy little girls. He smiled as he knocked at the door of the attic, to see Safaa asleep on the sofa and Waliyha sitting in her towel in the middle of Zayn’s open legs, getting her fully wet hair braided. Liam chuckled; of course Zayn knew how to braid hair too. He moved to sit next to them, smiling as she smiled up at him. Zayn had put on the pajama bottoms on her, the old Spiderman pants fitting her well.

“Safi has got your top, if that’s ok; it’s kinda a dress though.”

“Its fine,” he said, “It’s kinda cute.” He said, touching the fabric, smiling.

“Tell me, didn’t you wash their hair this afternoon?” He said watching Zayn’s clever fingers rapidly braid Waliyha’s hair.”

“He did,” Waliyha answered instead laughing, “But Zayn doesn’t have money for shampoo so he usually washes it with the bar. Today he did it with something like smelled like strawberries.” She continued.

“ _Thanks_ Wali,” Zayn said, he looked up at Liam sheepishly. “I hope it’s ok. I didn’t really ask, ugh sorry Li –” Liam pressed a kiss to Zayn’s jaw, effectively stopping the conversation. Waliyha smiled and laughed out a _‘told you baba-jaan!’_ just as Zayn placed the bauble at the end of the tail.

“Tell me, who taught you – _that_?” He asked Zayn just as Waliyha was left to see the contents of the still open chest.

“Doniya – but she’s gone, so yeah it’s something I do to keep her alive.” Zayn replied leaning his head against the arm of the sofa – he looked strangely defeated, like he hated remembering his older sister.

“What happened?” He asked leaning so his head was resting on Zayn’s shoulder, taking Zayn’s fingers in his, slowly playing with them.

“Mum shipped her off to Pakistan about a year ago.”

“Oh god Zayn, not more – Do you know where to find her?” Zayn sighed and shook his head before resting it on Liam’s head. “Can’t, she’s been married off. She can’t come back and we are not supposed to mention her.”

“So you kept the braiding before bed?” He said pointing to Waliyha again.

“Yeah, I tend to wash it with water 3 times a week, but I usually use the soap bar when I have one. When you found me today; I hadn’t gone to school. I needed to work, so that I could buy – stuff – but the land lord came for a visit and he took everything I had. So she –” He said pointing to Waliyha himself, “got really upset about the whole thing, seeing he was shouting his head off –”

“And she threw up on Safaa, I got that bit Z.”

“Yeah so anyway I wet their hair usually and then braid it and comb it in the morning. It goes wavy, and I kinda love it, ugh sorry Li,  this is all so girly I just – no one usually listens you know?”  Zayn’s tone made Liam realize, this ritual meant a lot to Zayn. He was able to keep his sister’s memory alive, even if he was the only one that really remembered her. He squeezed Zayn’s hand tightly, a reassuring gesture, before calling Waliyha over to take them both to bed.

“How about we get these two to bed then?” He said turning his head up to look at Zayn again.

“Yeah we can do that.” Zayn smiled standing up again, picking Waliyha up from Liam’s arms.

Liam moved to pick up Safaa slowly, glancing at Zayn one last time for permission to take her to bed. Zayn nodded and Liam carefully started down the stairs and to the bedroom to tuck her in, gently resting a bunny his mum had bought for her earlier next to her head. He left the light shade on, remembering Zayn’s insistence as children to always have one on somewhere within the room.

He felt Zayn walking in behind him, he smiled and commented that just like him Safaa slept like a log, making Zayn chuckle and slap his chest laughing, letting Waliyha down as she made it into the room twirling,  

“Shhhh” Zayn hissed as she got into bed and pulled the covers over her too, reaching for her own bunny at the bedside table. “I love you.” She said as she pulled Zayn down on top of her into a hug, refusing to let him go for a number of minutes, till Zayn was whispering something into her ear, that made her immediately let him go, uttering a little sorry as Zayn stood himself up.

“Liam?” She called, steadying herself on her elbows one last time.

“Yes Wali?”

“Thank you.” She said, with resigned happiness quickly leaning down on the bed again, grabbing her toy tightly as Zayn leaned to kiss her cheek, making her giggle slightly as he pinched her nose and then leaning over to kiss Safaa’s forehead making Waliyha huff out a sleepy ‘ _Zayn get off!_ ‘making Liam laugh soundly earning him a grin from Zayn and Waliyha a slight pull at her braid as she whispered out _‘Sorry Baba’_ grinning wide.

Zayn then moved far enough from the bed to be standing next to Liam, turning to look at them again just as Liam opened the door again fully stepping out, taking Zayn’s hand in the process as they walked down the hall to Liam’s room.

“Zayn, can I ask you something – but you need to promise to answer me - not freak out or something?”

“I’ll probably won’t or will not be able answer you.” Zayn said stiffening a bit as he started to lag behind Liam rather than walking with him.

“Oh come on,” He tried but he knew he probably wouldn’t get an answer out of Zayn – tonight at least.

“What is it Liam?” Zayn asked again as they entered the room Zayn making his way to sit at the edge of the bed, his fingers gripping the sheets tightly; Liam saw hesitance and fear on Zayn’s face.

Liam sat crossed leg on the bed, trying to find the right words but Zayn beat him to it.

“I think I know what this is about,” He said meekly, “Liam you have to promise me _you_ don’t freak out when I’m done showing you.”

Liam was confused, he wasn’t understanding what Zayn was trying to tell him. Zayn in the mean time got off the bed and stood square in front of him.

“Promise me.” Zayn pleaded, to which Liam nodded his head to, and with that, Zayn took his hoodie off.

 

*

“Oh my god! – Zayn! oh my god – Come here – will you?” He had automatically scrambled forward when he took in the site of Zayn’s torso and arms and was now crouching at the edge of the bed pulling Zayn so that Liam's cheek was pressed to Zayn’s belly. He pulled back, Zayn’s arms where covered in bandages, his tummy and collarbones were littered red with slashes of cuts and scars – of marks Liam realized Zayn had inflicted on himself. Liam took him in, trying hard to stomach everything he was seeing.

“Can I?” He asked, shakily – taking Zayn’s right arm and started to thumb the bandage slowly, fearful of where hurt or not. Zayn nodded so Liam started to unwrap the cover as gentle as possible. He wasn’t expecting a half sleeve tat he gotta admit but the wonder quickly faded when he realized Zayn’s skin was covered in more cuts than ink.

“How many?” he whispered.

“Here? 30, other places – more.” Zayn replied, not able to meet Liam’s eyes anymore.

“Hey, hey – Can I see?”

“Do you really want to see the mess that is my body Liam?”

“Yes.” Was the only reply. He pushed Zayn down onto the bed, laying him on his back while Liam’s hands ran across Zayn’s uneven, tainted skin.

“No funny business – I swear, too early for that.” He reassured Zayn remembering Zayn’s resistance earlier in the afternoon – realizing it made so much sense now. He tugged at the pants, slipping it down slowly as more bloody bandages kept down with crummy medical tape were bared – they needed new wrapping Liam thought – pronto .

Liam gasped, Zayn was right, his thighs and calves where covered too, revealing more as he took off more bandages off Zayn, trying hard not to break down right there.

“Ankles too.” Zayn whispered from above as Liam thought that was it; he moved to take off Zayn’s socks, and as expected finding more cuts. Liam looked up and down Zayn’s body; he still couldn’t believe what Zayn had just let him see.

“Please tell me –”He said crawling up the bed again, “and I’m begging you here – you don’t have any under here.” He said touching Zayn’s only piece of clothing left – his boxers.

Zayn cleared his throat before replying emotion taking over and barely audibly replied,

“I can’t really tell you that.” Zayn sounded resolved, like he had just accepted that whatever he and Liam had going on was done.

He sat Zayn up letting his back rest against the headboard. Zayn immediately drew his legs up, trying to cover up, whatever virtue he had left. Liam walked into the bathroom grabbing his kit he had for practice and made his way back to Zayn again, who had curled himself up in a ball. Head resting on his knees – sobbing silently.

“Zayn – oh Zayn!” He said starting to quickly press gentle kisses into Zayn’s hair – trying not to break down himself.

“Come on let me.” He coaxed taking a finger and pressing it to the underside of Zayn’s jaw – tilting his head up to look at him properly, eyes closed, eyelashes wet and fanned out across his tear tracked cheeks, his hair falling softly onto his forehead reaching just below his eyebrows. Liam smiled sadly, Zayn was so breathtakingly beautiful yet he had that vulnerable, defeated aura that came with him. He pressed his thumb to Zayn’s cheek and dabbed away the tears, kissing Zayn forehead before moving to lay Zayn down flat on the bed to slowly start to clean the cuts on his legs first, wrapping clean bandages around them, trying hard not to hurt Zayn, who flinched a bit but didn’t stop Liam from dressing his marks.

He placed a hand on Zayn’s inner thigh, Zayn slowly eased it open unsure and Liam lay on top of him, not actually touching Zayn just on top.

“Z, do you think you can open your eyes for me?” Zayn shook his head so Liam pressed a kiss to his chin, “Please?”

With that Zayn’s lashes flickered open, unsure, yet open, Liam simply smiled down at him.

“Why aren’t you angry – afraid – grossed out…” Zayn started his voice merely a whisper, “Why aren’t you kicking us out and screaming how much of an inval – “

“Shhhh.” He said, silencing Zayn with a chaste kiss, “I can’t do any of what you were about to say.

“But – “

“Shhhh,” He said again, moving further up so that he’s eye level with Zayn. “Will you just let me prove to you that you are worth more than this? I really want to show you, you don’t need – this – to feel something.”

“But I –“

“Shhhh!”

He sat up onto his knees, pulling Zayn up with him to a sitting position.

“I don’t want you to explain why you –  you do this – or why you are the way you are, with me, with your sisters – at school, one thing is for sure though  – you’re not scaring me away that easily. Can we cuddle? I really just – I really just – “

Zayn kissed him, quick and sudden while Liam was still formulating thought, it made Liam giggle a bit laughing out a _‘that’s the Zayn I know’_ only to have Zayn stick his tongue out at him playfully.

“Promise me one thing,” Zayn said as he started to wrap up his arms again. “No funny business, until I lesson – this – I will not have you touch me like I’m fine bone china ok?”

“Okay – but know, fuck that’s gonna be hard.”

Zayn giggled – actually giggled, “Babe we’ve been waiting years – what’s a few weeks?”

“Babe huh?” Liam smiled, “Getting fancy are we Malik.”

Zayn blushed, “Sorry I just thou –”his arm coming up to rub the back of his neck again.

“Don’t worry – Fuck I swear to God, it’s perfect, you’re perfect – now come here and kiss me.”

Zayn smiled, getting off the bed to pull pants on and switch the light off, the shade on and scrambled over to Liam again. Settling in, Liam grasping at Zayn’s back, letting his arm fall over Zayn’s playing with their joined fingers, and pressing a kiss to Zayn’s neck.

“Do you think you can stop – that?” Liam asked quietly thumbing Zayn’s ring finger.

“Maybe,” Zayn sighed, “but I’ve been doing it for years – it will slow down – it won’t just stop you know?”

“I do –”Liam sighed too, kissing Zayn’s shoulder blade, “does Safaa know? I know Waliyha does?”

“You can tell Waliyha does?”

“Yeah, she treats you with kit gloves herself to be honest.”

Zayn chuckled, “No she doesn’t – I would have noticed.”

“No – she does, it’s pretty amazing to watch actually, and anyway did you tell her? Or did she find out? She’s a bit – young Z.”

“I know that – she walked in on me while I was cutting my hip open about 7 months ago, “ He said as Liam moved his finger to touch Zayn’s jutting bone, Zayn shuddered slightly unused to the gentle touch on his hip “ – when mum was having one of her fits cause she had no money for the drug. I guess we got closer from there? And Safaa started doing it too, she doesn’t press too hard when she hugs me, asks if I’m ok every 15 minutes if possible. I don’t think Wali told her – she just _knows_.”

“I find that utterly amazing.”

“Liam?”

“Hmm?”

“I know it’s been like five hours – but I love you – I really do, and I’ve wanted to tell you everyday these last couple of years – I just didn’t know how.”

“Good – because I’ve wanted to say it to you for ages too – I love you too – I really do, I just have to make you believe it.”

He heard Zayn chuckle and then the bed shift and he then felt Zayn’s lips touch his, ever so slightly like Liam was the most delicate thing in the world. Liam smiled into the kiss and then pressed back against Zayn’s mouth.

Zayn pulled back slightly to kiss Liam’s nose and uttered a gentle goodnight then buried his face in Liam’s collar making Liam rest his chin on Zayn’s head. Liam closed his own eyes and let his dreams take him away – this wasn’t fully resolved yet – but he was getting Zayn to open up and talk to him – he considers that getting somewhere. Liam smiled remembering it had been awhile since he had anyone in his bed, let alone his arms, but he didn’t want to ponder on any of that – at that moment he was relieved that he had managed to get Zayn to tell him about his problems, and for now – that’s all that really mattered.

 

*

 

Liam woke up to an empty bed, he groaned, the other side cold he realized as he shifted to reach out for his phone and see what time it was. 6.30 am it read. He shook his head slightly as he parted his curtains and open the window slightly. The sun was still rising, the sky overhead pinks and red. Liam loved the morning stillness, especially at this time of year, where even the birds had stop chirping as the thick cold winter weather was settling in. He turned and made his way to his bathroom. He decided he had to go in search for Zayn – he wasn’t quite sure where he had gotten too. He quickly dabbed over his face with a warm flannel and stretched his arms up to get sleep out of him, taking out two towels from the small linen cupboard under the sink; placing them on the loo before he quietly opened his door and made it down the hall to the girl’s room. He noticed the door was slightly ajar, walking up to it he pushed it slightly to see the girls still sleeping soundly but he didn’t see Zayn till he fully walked into the room.

He was asleep on the floor next to the bed with nothing but Liam’s hoodie pulled over him. Liam’s heart ached at the site – he really didn’t want to believe that Zayn thought he didn’t deserve a bed or something along those lines. He walked to the window first and opened the curtains there too; the autumn sun was filling the room now, pale orange and gold. He sighed softly as he turned to the girls again Safaa had shifted closer to Waliyha, leaving half the bed empty – he smiled then – they were so little – kinda like Zayn to be honest. He made his way around the bed and crouched down, his arms reaching out to go under Zayn’s knees and around his waist pulling him up and slowly walking out the room again. He placed Zayn back in bed and pulled the covers over him, he could sleep for another half hour Liam thought. Zayn snuggled himself back into the duvet – Liam chuckled and kissed his forehead before pulling away to just watch Zayn sleep for a while.

Liam knew Zayn needed a lot of sleep and was thanking every damned person on the planet that it was a Friday – he would let Zayn sleep the weekend off if he needed to. Zayn was such a strong character Liam realized, it took a while to break through his walls.

Zayn looked like he didn’t give a fuck about anyone or anything, yet Liam knew that Zayn took everything about him to heart. And he knew that Zayn would let them settle there, each tiny thing barricading anyone’s entry. He smiled sadly as he stood up, he knew he was grasping at the strings that held Zayn together, figuring out exactly what Zayn was trying so hard to hide. Zayn didn’t want to appear weak or fragile, he was hurting yes, _hurting_ even more even more than Liam could ever know, but he was far more willing to go through hell and keep those girls with him, then live happily but apart from his sisters. Liam finally understood, meaning he was getting somewhere.

He moved to his closet to quickly grab 2 pairs of everything he knew Zayn needs new clothes – seeing everything he owned was way too big to fit Zayn properly – however he knew Zayn might put up a fight there so with a resigned resolved he peeked his head round the door to see Zayn had woken up and was shifting around trying to figure out how he got back to bed.

“How did I get here again?” He asked leaning up on his elbows to look at Liam – he looked beautiful with the sun hitting his stubbled jaw at just the right angle – his sleep meshed hair falling into his eyes as he lazily lifted his hand to rub at one of them – Liam didn’t really know how to describe such beauty – it was just _there_.

“How do you think my fair prince?” He said just as his staring was becoming obvious.

Zayn chuckled, “So you fancy yourself a bit of a knight in shining armor now?”

Liam laughed dropping the clothes on the chair as he made his way to Zayn shaking his head slightly at Zayn’s retort.

“Kiss me.” Zayn said.

“Gladly.” He said leaning into Zayn who fell onto the bed again pulling at Liam’s tee tightly. Liam giggled and pressed his lips to Zayn’s.

Zayn pulled back first trying to catch his breath before he started to laugh, fully laugh – strong, high and _happy_.

“I can get used to this.” Zayn said his eyes gleaming gold.

“Yeah me too.” He said pressing a kiss to Zayn’s jaw smiling when he felt Zayn’s fingers thumb the small of his back.

“Tell me, why did I find you on the floor this morning? in the other room?”

Zayn smiled, “I did actually sleep here you know, I just had prayers and after just went to see my sisters – missed them you know – and I nodded off.”

It was Liam’s turn to smile, “Good, I thought it was something else.”

"I was thinking it – like – letting you sleep and then get up and sleep on the floor but I just didn’t bring myself to do that.”

“May I ask why?”

Zayn sighed and closed his eyes before replying.

“It’s just – you’ve – changed our lives in one day yeah? One day – you’ve opened your house, your food, your bathtubs – Liam I have nothing – and I mean it – nothing to give you in return. How do you expect me to sleep in your bed too?”

“Hmm –”Liam pretended to think. “How about you just give me your heart – I really don’t want anything else Z.”

“But – I can’t just let you –”Zayn stopped mid sentence seeing Liam had leaned down to kissed him. Then pressing his forehead to Zayn’s slightly.

“Believe me when I say – you just being you – is the most precious thing in the world to me – but you need to trust me on this ok? Now come on –” Liam smiled, “I want to see those beautiful eyes of yours.” He saw Zayn visibly colour at the sentence making Liam smile wider. Liam could count his eyelashes one by one if he wanted to, black thick and long, swiping across Zayn’s cheek bones. He wanted to kiss every one if he could, but then Zayn flickered his eyes open the speckled gold in his hazel eyes hitting the angle of the morning sun beautifully again – and Liam thought moments make him realize how much he’s been missing out on.

“There we go.” Liam whispered, as he watched a smile spreading across Zayn’s face kissing him just below each eyelid.  This time Zayn didn’t flinch away, a little victory he thought.

“Let me take you on a proper date.” Liam said reaching out to tangle his fingers between Zayn’s bringing both pairs up next to Zayn’s head.

“No where fancy – and we split the price.”

“I can’t do that – and I asked you first.”

“Liam!” Zayn chided “I can’t have you spend money on me – I just can’t let you.”

“I want to yeah? I just want to show you there is more to life then feeling like shit all the time and roughing it and not eating for 3 days – let me do this.”

Zayn sighed letting go of Liam’s fingers to bring his own up to pull at Liam’s short hairs at the back of his neck.

“Ok – but don’t make this an occurrence? at least not until I can get a better job.”

“Promise.” Liam said kissing down Zayn’s neck.

“And I really don’t want to get up right now, but we have school in an hour and we have to drop off Wali and Saf first.”

Zayn smiled at the mention of his sisters. “I need to brush their hair out too, oh wow I don’t have time for that!”

“You also need a shower and I got you a pair of jeans and a hoodie out – and I really want you to wear my jacket but I’d be really pushing my luck.”

Zayn chuckled out a _‘thank you’_ and started to poke Liam’s rib – a sign that he wanted to get up. “I’ll wear it if it makes you happy – but you’re gonna be the one explaining why the school slut is wearing the Captain’s varsity.”

“Well – for starters you’re no whore and I will be making that clear from today – and secondly I don’t really care what they think about us. They aren’t us and they don’t know what I feel about you.”

“Or me about you for that matter.”

“Exactly – So we do this our way ok?”

“Ok.”

“I love you – and I really want to hug you but I don’t know where hurts and where doesn’t.” Zayn smiled and sat up slightly causing Liam to slide into Zayn’s lap.

“I meant what I said yesterday – don’t treat me like fine bone china –” Zayn opened his arms wide “ _Please?_ ”

“But  –” Zayn started to glare at him so Liam simply clasped his hands lightly over Zayn’s back and letting his chin fall into Zayn’s hair, smelling his own shampoo as he breathed in. He felt Zayn giggle against his chest – a slight shuddering before it evened out.

“I love you too Li.” He heard Zayn whisper just into his ear. Liam smiled and squeezed a little tighter. Yeah Liam thought – this was what it was like to really be – well _happy_.

 

*

“Come on you two!” He called from the door of the living room as he watched Zayn tying the bauble into Safaa’s ponytail.

“Five minutes yeah Li? I need to just put her shoes on.” Liam laughed, his mother was right. Zayn was gonna make an amazing Dad one day.

“I’ll do that.” He said crossing the room. “You go find their jackets?”

“Thanks.” Zayn said getting up from to floor kissing Liam’s cheek smiling at himself as he sees his mum and Waliyha by the front door waiting.

“Zayn,” Liam heared, “honey – you’re looking much better this morning, I must say.”

“I am better Mrs. Payne – and thank you, you know for everything.”

“Oh honey, you could have just asked Liam – but it’s all ok now.”

“Thank you still – “

“Always.” His mum said smiling at Zayn just as Liam released Safaa who ran into her arms to put on her jacket.

“Wow! Look at how pretty you are this morning?” His mum said bending down to her level pulling her into a hug just after she slipped on her new parka.

“Thank you Mrs. Payne.” She said smiling echoing Zayn a few seconds before.

“You too Waliyha, come here.” She said as Waliyha happily tumbled into her arms.

“Now listen to me you two.” She said, “The boys will be going out after school, so I’m picking you up from school. Waliyha, I put a note in your planner that you need to show to your teacher and Zayn will tell yours Saf ok?”

They nodded again, squeezing her back into a hug and suddenly were out of her embrace and screaming ‘ _Thank you Mrs. Payne!’_ over and over.

His mum stood up smiling. “Go then you two, and Zayn hun – don’t say no to everything.” She chuckles pulling at his collar of his hoodie to straighten it out.

“I’ll try.”  He answered smiling at her as Liam took his pinkie.

“We’ll try not to be late mum ok? And thank you.”

“It’s fine boys really. It’s the least I can do.” She smiled as she looked at their linked fingers. “Go now! Before you’re late!” She laughs ushering them out the door after the girls.

 

*

“Are you sure?” Zayn said anxiously, looking at the varsity jacket that Liam held in his hands. Zayn had just come back from Safaa’s nursery, smiling big at Liam; but it faltered a bit as he realized what Liam was holding in his hands, as he sat leaning on the bonnet of his car.

“A-ha, I really want it on you Zayn – come here.” He said pulling Zayn the few centimeters between them sufficiently closing the gap, meaning Zayn was resting between his thighs. He came quietly – still hesitant knowing what wearing the jacket meant, but Liam slipped Zayn’s arms into it anyway, Zayn smiling slightly at Liam who was grinning seeing it was too big for Zayn; however Liam thought if it looked good on him, than it looked even more amazing on Zayn. Liam laughed reaching for Zayn again, hands going to his collar first, straightening it out while leaning in to press a soft kiss to Zayn’s cheek, smiling broadly as he slipped them into Zayn’s back pockets and Zayn himself tugged onto Liam’s own hoodie his arms going round Liam’s waist.

“So how are we gonna do this? Like seriously Liam, you know what I am in that school. This might not change anything. You might get labeled now for being seduced by me I just – “

“Shhhh, ok?” He said squeezing Zayn closer a little further.

“Don’t worry about them. I’ll deal with Louis and the boys and I swear to god if they even try to insult you, I’ll quit the team today and let them lose the final. I don’t care Zayn what they think – seriously I don’t. Just believe me on that ok?”

Zayn nodded, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth, “Thanks Li.”

“Always,” Liam said, smiling himself, “now come on or we are gonna be really late.” He said as Zayn tugged him back to the driver’s seat and going round to the car to sit in the passenger one, rolling down the window slightly, asking permission to light a cigarette. Liam hated smoke, especially in his car but he nodded laughing as Zayn seemed relieved inhaling the smoke into his lungs.

“I like this better then the _driver_ thing Liam,” Zayn mused smiling. “Though I’d much prefer it if it wasn’t a bloody BMW M6.”

Liam chuckled, he expected Zayn to comment on the car, he knew Zayn hated anything that screamed luxury so he simply shrugged his shoulders and reached out to squeeze Zayn’s thigh, light and nimble.

Zayn reached out to hold his fingers in place, slowly started to play with them as he continued his smoke in silence.

“I’m serious though yeah, something not so – out there – maybe if we have to drive to school each day, I mean ugh – sorry Liam.” He said retracting his fingers and curling up into the seat, trying to take up less space than he was before.

Liam glanced at him out of the corner of his eye. He knew Zayn had thought he took it too far. That he was already imposing at it was and wanting a different car was something he had no right too.

“Hey – listen to me yeah?” He started grasping out, to slip his fingers between Zayn’s again. “I can do that if you really want ok? I know all this change is a lot for you to swallow.” Zayn didn't say anything at first, simply looking out of the window as the familiar scenery tumbled by. However he turned his head towards Liam just as he entered the school car park.

“You'd really do that for me?” eyes big again, with so much hope in them.

“Zayn, I'll do anything for you.” He said squeezing Zayn’s fingers tight, Zayn squeezing back, relief in his face evident.

“Thanks.” He whispered out as Liam he parked the car in his space and switched off the engine.

“Always Zayn.” Liam said tugging at Zayn arm, bringing Zayn into his chest. “Just believe me a little yeah?” Zayn nodded grabbing at Liam’s other hand, his awkward position, seemingly nonexistent at all. “Now listen yeah, I know walking in with me is huge but it’s just this, yeah? To the year area then I really don’t see you till lunch which is where I’ll come find you.”,

“I just – you know how it is in there, I don’t want to give you a bad name or something. “

“You won’t and anyway I don't care.” He said letting Zayn go to open his door, Zayn mimicked the action on the other side.

“Now tell me where do I find you?” He said smiling at Zayn, offering his hand.

“Art block, upstairs last room on the right.” Zayn says after a bit as he takes his offer and they start walking towards the school.

“Mr. Harmon sort of gave me his extra storage space and I turned it into a studio.” Zayn said sheepishly smiling up at Liam, pride in his voice that he was finally able to tell someone – that _listened_.

“See Z?” Liam chuckled; “It’s not only me that sees the talent.” He said squeezing Zayn’s fingers slightly as they reached the entrance.

“Can you do this?” He asked Zayn one last time.

Zayn nodded, turning his head slightly to look at Liam, smiling widely.

“Liam, I can do anything with you.” and with that Liam opened the door.

 

 *

They get to the year area with little or no hassle at all. As Liam expected they got lost in the rush of kids and teachers alike, all trying to get into tutor period in time for registration. They get a few looks to which Zayn stiffens to and lags behind for a few seconds till he resolves himself, Liam squeezing his hand ever so lightly every time it happens reassuring him it’s ok.

“Payne!” He hears Louis’ voice loud and clear as they enter the room. Liam squeezes Zayn’s hand again seeing he could tell he was about to let go. They settled on the table next to each other knees knocking together, before Liam turned his head round to Louis again.

“What?” He asked.

“Well Payne,” Louis started again; Liam was kinda already done with the conversation before it occurred. He shrugged and moved closer to Zayn letting his hand falls between Zayn’s thighs and they both still held on tight. He could tell Zayn was scared, his fingers going white as his squeezed and he could also hear Zayn’s shallow breath as he was remembering to breathe.

“I really don’t know what to say about this, are you fucking serious, Jesus Christ Liam hi – “

“Shut the fuck up will you?” He said cutting Louis off.

“Excuse me?”

“Babe, it’s what I said, shut the fuck up.” Liam knew he was pushing it, but he really wasn’t about to stand around and listen to Zayn get mocked five minutes after he promised he wouldn’t let it happen.

Louis was by now making his way up to them. Niall and he had settled on the other side of the room, and while Niall didn’t express his opinion, he was gleefully watching it unfold.

“You’re my fucking best mate – I can tell you what’s right and what’s wrong for you,” He said folding his arms and standing straight in front of them. Louis was a funny character. Very loud and boisterous, he was very into himself and a bit cant at times, it was Louis, he was rich and knew it and he had the world falling at his feet. Louis also didn’t like change, and he knew that Zayn was a big one for him to handle all of a sudden

“If you’re really about to try to make my decisions for me then I suggest you just don’t.”  Liam cut in again, squeezing at Zayn’s hand again, just for that little bit of comfort he knew Zayn needed.

“No Liam, you don’t understand – “Louis tried again, “We can’t be seen with trash.” He said turning to look at Zayn for the first time. “Even if you’re ruggedly handsome mate, you’re still a waste of space.” He saw Zayn whiten, his head dropping into his knees as he tried to retract his hand from Liam who was refusing to do so.

Zayn’s grip went slack, like he didn’t deserve to hold his hand and his eyes closed, as if he wanted to disappear at just that moment.

Liam was livid to say the least. Louis might have been his best mate but it didn’t give him free pass to say whatever and get away with it. He slid to the end of the table, trying hard to compose himself, but Niall decided to pip him to the post.

“Louis!” Niall began, his accent thick with his own anger boiling. “Fucking hell mate – you don’t fucking say shit like that. Did you not stop and think that he’s got feelings just like you.” Niall got off his own table and came bumbling forward towards Zayn, who was still refusing to acknowledge anyone’s existence.

“Come on you.” He told Zayn grabbing his shoulders to make Zayn sit up and walk away with him. Niall went up to the teacher just as he was walking in and after a few seconds, they were walking out of the room, shuffling out through the students coming in, Niall turning around with a small smile on his face, giving Liam the courage to finally talk.

Liam got off the table and went straight up to Mr Rossin, explaining to him that he left his coursework at home and needed Louis to drive him. He agreed and Liam roughly grabbed Louis’ arm and shoved him out of the room, just as the bell rang, signaling quiet time had started.

“Where the fuck are we going?” Louis asked just as angry himself even though he had no right to be.

“Were going where the fuck I say and you can’t tell me otherwise.” He said as he pushed the front door of the school open again, just like he had done with Zayn not even ten minutes before. The autumn sun was in, and a light wind had picked up, so he lowered his head and walked quickly to his car.

“Get the fuck in and don’t fucking question me. You need a reality check mate and you’re about to get one.”

“What the fuck is that suppose to mean?” Louis said as he slammed the door loudly.

Liam didn’t really care if he was honest. He needed to get this done before lunch hour. He pressed on the gas as he turned out of the car park, just to make sure they get there as quickly as possible.

“Seriously Liam, what that hell got into you – what now are you two dating or where you holding his hand for jokes oh and I noticed he’s wearing your jacket too, seriously have you lost it?”

“Are you even listening to yourself?”

“I am yeah – He’s not your type, you shag rich boys with money in their pockets that smell of Gucci and Armani. You don’t go for people like Zayn!”

“That was true mate – however I’ve not shagged anyone in about 6 months – if you hadn’t noticed the amount of time I’ve been refusing your damn house parties.”

Liam was still angry, trying to focus on the road rather than Louis. He could just about breathe as he made his way up the street, finding a spot and switching the engine off.

“Why the fuck did you bring me here?” Louis realized that they were at Zayn’s flat again, however this time, he was going in.

“No way in fucking hell Liam!” He screeched as Liam took hold of his arm, guiding him to the flat. Louis was a smaller build then Liam. He played center which fitted him, but he didn’t quite have Liam’s finesse to strike the box every time like Liam did, so it was an easy job to drag him up the stairs and into the flat, kicking the door shut after them as they entered, it was open again, fully understanding why Zayn slept under it now, seeing it seemed to have a mind of its own. Liam didn’t stop till they made it through the front room, letting go of Louis’s arm and simply staring at him.

Louis stood staring right back at him. Shoulders square, hands tugged into himself, head up and high.

“I really just don’t see the point of this to be honest.” He started after about ten minutes.

Liam chuckled hollowly. He needed Louis to see it his way, badly.

“Don’t just stand there, I’m here when you’re done. We’ll talk then.” He said icily turning his back on Louis walking to the door and sitting there, just where he saw Zayn’s sketches on the wall, a smile creeping on his face as he looked at the doodles there, he guessed they happened when Zayn had no paper and didn’t want to waste the sketchbook sleeves so he took to the wall. He lost track trying to figure out Zayn’s scrambled figures from drawings to swirled script that he recognized as Zayn’s, little sentences made up to form words, that he knows where buried in the deepest parts of Zayn’s mind. He smiled as he knew he was stripping away at Zayn’s layers, the walls Zayn built around himself, trying to protect his sanity.

“I get it.” He heard Louis say, shuffling forward hesitantly. It wasn’t the same attitude he had what half an hour before. Liam nodded and gestured for Louis to join him on the floor. After a second or two to consider the amount of dirt he could get on his pants, he sat down right across from Liam, crossed legged, really waiting to be told off.

“What had I told you about a year ago?” He started.

Louis shrugged sheepishly, closing his eyes as if remembering the conversation. “That no matter what happened Zayn will always be your best mate but it wasn’t enough and you felt like he was slipping through your grasp and you were doing nothing to stop it.”

Liam sighed, Louis did remember but he still pulled a stunt back at the school.

“So tell me, why would you say stuff like that to him, when you know how I felt.”

“I didn’t take it seriously when you said it, it was after practice and I wanted to party Li, I didn’t have time to stop and think, and anyway what happened? Like how did you end up walking in school hand in hand?”

Liam sighed again, resting his head on the door, trying hard not to lose his temper again.

“It’s still not obvious? Look around Louis what do you see? I just couldn’t let him – let him live like this anymore – and don’t give me the ‘you did it out of pity’ bull because we both know it’s not. Yesterday he let me see him like he used to when we were kids, the kid I _missed_ , the kid with the smile that I _wanted_ back.” He slumped his head falling into his knees as he curled himself into a ball, avoiding Louis’ stare. “The kid I fell in love with. Louis I fell for Zayn when I was 5 seeing him like this, just pushed me over the edge.”

“I still don’t like this – I just he’s fucked half the school –”

“Stop that!” He was angry now – Louis had no right to believe the image that got created for Zayn though one episode and probably a mistake. He stood up, pulling Louis with him and stomped back into the living room.

“Do you realize you don’t know the truth?!”

“Oh and you do?”

“Quite enough!”

“Really now – how am I suppose to believe, that all those stories are made up gossip, after hearing one going round every day!” Louis said, having his own fit now.

“Yeah maybe,” He said bringing their conversation down to an acceptable level, after remembering the walls are paper thin. “But no one actually ever said anything to his face, because everything was a god damn lie!”

“How many hookups has he had if not half the year then?” Louis was being petulant; he stuck his hands on his hips and moved away from Liam, expecting an answer to come soon and fast.

  
“One! Louis, one! And that was Adam –  like two years ago too.”

“Adam you mean our Adam – Adam Mackintosh – the one on the team?”

“Yeah that one – you see it’s all just stories because he doesn’t ever say no that didn’t happen, shit is made up and people just believe it.”

“Liam but what about, Millie, Joe, Ezra, Harley? And all the others, why would they lie?”

“Cause its Zayn, Louis, its Zayn the boy who has been looking after his sisters for the last few months, well years to be honest because his mother passed, the boy that doesn’t have enough money to feed his sisters just to keep this flat. You know how I always look at the showers after practice? It’s cause three out of five times a week; he takes Waliyha and Safaa to give them a proper shower, he usually goes on a Thursday and he didn’t and I got worried, so I went to see him. He’s got no time for hookups every night cause he’s either working his arse off or trying to coax his little sisters to bed on an empty stomach, third night in a row. He’s no slut Lou, he’s just another person caught up in an image he doesn’t know how to shrug off.” He had moved closer to Louis again, bending down to his level to try and see what he was thinking.

“Can you see now why everything you said in those ten minutes hurt like fuck?” He looked into Louis pale blue eyes trying to distinguish if he had gotten any way close to through to him.

“Oh Liam. “ He starts moving backwards as his hands when through his hair, trying to find the right words to express himself. He hit the window, resting his elbows his sill as he takes a deep breath.

“Why does he let people shit talk, when it’s never true? Liam really babe, your boyfriend?” He nodded, because yes he did already class Zayn as that, so Louis continued, “Your boyfriend is actually a fucking angel that fell straight from heaven and he lets it all happen? What the fuck bro.”

Liam moved so that he was mirroring Louis on the sill. He dipped his head back, closing his eyes, taking in the morning sun slightly, before turning to Louis again. “I don’t know Lou; this is Zayn we are on about, he’s not about to tell anyone shit is wrong. His mum killed herself and he still didn’t come to me, cause I said I was busy, let alone suss out the stories one by one.”

“Woah woah what? – this is one thing,” Louis said gesturing the empty room. “What the hell? His mum – his mum, what?”

“Gone Louis, four months, overdosed on heroin.”

“Jesus – heroin? Why didn’t you say?” He did really sound alarmed, after all he knew Louis dabbled in drugs at his parties.

Liam moved forward, grabbing Louis’ shoulders, not to tight, just enough to get his attention. “Do you have it in you to apologize and maybe help me with something for Waliyha?”

Louis slipped his eyes closed for a moment. “Yeah I can do that.” He said smiling softly up at Liam.

Liam smiled in relief, pulling Louis in for a light hug before releasing him and moving to the door. “We can make it to school for lunch. He told me where to find him, come on before it’s too late in the day.”

“Liam! Liam wait what do you even want to do for Waliyha again?”

“I’ll tell you.” He said giggling as Louis passed him by the door, making quick work of trying to close it before following Louis down to the car.

“You’re a right lad in love you are you know.” Louis said  a smiling tugging at the corner of his mouth, as he pulled his door open, this time not banging it shut.

Yeah he thought, he was a ‘right lad in love’ but in that instant he didn’t exactly care. It was the truth and there was really no point hiding it any longer.

 

*

“Can you at least try to be civil?” Liam said as they pulled into the school lot again. There was half an hour of lunch period after what Liam considered a successful morning of shopping for some supplies.

“I can try?” Louis started. “Though seriously we have to do something about his image.”

“I know Louis, but if you start by apologizing we might get somewhere.”

“I’m gonna; you said you know where to find him?”

“Yeah art block, come on lets go.”

They walk in relative silence; he wanted to allow Louis time to think about what he wanted to say to Zayn. Louis was very bash sometimes but Liam knew that when he loved he loved fiercely and he realized Louis only said what he did, because he thought it was the best for him. He smiled as he recognized the familiar corridor he never quite had the courage to enter at this particular hour. They ascended the flight of stairs, stopping until a student passed them with a big canvas and then made it to the end of the door that he knew led to Zayn’s private sanctuary within the school halls.

“Come on then.” He said, knocking at the door, before opening it slightly. Zayn was curled up in a ball beneath the window, shirtless he realized and Louis was already too far into the room to try to stop him from seeing.

“Liam what the fuck?” He whispered hotly as he took in the sight of Zayn’s arms and shoulder.

“Shhhh !” He hissed back, dropping his bag and walking over to Zayn, kneeling in front of him, gently shaking him awake. “Hey, hey it’s ok, it’s only just me.” He said as Zayn stirred and started to panic. Zayn’s eyes were red from too much crying, his hair disheveled and his eyes were starting to droop again, so he leaned in and pressed a kiss to Zayn’s ear, smiling when he felt Zayn’s hands tug at his shirt to pull him further down close to him.  “Sorry Li,” He started brokenly, “I can’t do this anymore. Louis was right this morning. _I am_ a waste of space. My sisters and I _are_ a waste of space. I’m just gonna pick them up from school and take them home if that’s ok – sorry Li.” He finished, letting go of Liam’s shirt and started to get up not able to look Liam in the eye.

“Zayn Malik!” Louis said suddenly from behind Liam, shaking them out of their little bubble. It made Zayn quickly tug at Liam’s shirt so that Liam completely fell onto him, covering up and shielding him from Louis’ sight. Zayn’s blackened fingers making his shirt positively grey where ever he touched.

“I’ve seen already, get off him Li, I need to talk to him.” Louis said again, grabbing the back of Liam’s collar so that he sat up onto his knees again. Louis sat down in front of Zayn too, looking at him square in the eye, or at least tried too, before Zayn dropped his head into his knees.

“For one, I’m sorry for what I said this morning and secondly don’t say things like that to Liam again, you’ll break his heart.” He said flitting his fingers in Liam’s face. “Listen to me ok? I’m not the friendliest person you’ll meet. I’ll say it how it is without thinking twice. The version of you Liam told me about all those years ago, didn’t match up to what was going round everyday in this school. Today I learnt differently. Come on Zayn,” He said taking hold of Zayn’s hands and pulling him up onto his feet and into the center of the studio. Louis stopped and pivoted around Zayn, assessing Zayn’s body, trying to take in all the cuts and the scars.

Louis stopped in front of Zayn. He was shorter but Zayn’s head was hung low, almost ashamed, so Louis took his index finger and tilted his jaw upwards, coaxing Zayn into opening his eyes, cooing happily when Zayn complied before he continued.

“What I said today,” he repeated, “broke Liam and I mean it. He straight out called me out on my shit and told me to shut my gob, and for once _listen_. I’m sorry _Zayn_. I acted like a douche because I blindly believed in what the bastards say, and I made you out as someone you so aren’t.” Louis stopped, grabbing Zayn’s shoulders lightly before continuing.

“I wanna tell you something, something Liam said about a year ago, and something that’s been playing in my head ever since this morning’s events.” Louis stopped again, silently handing Zayn, Liam’s varsity again, seeing he was shivering, and continued while Zayn was putting it on, hiding his soul once again.

“Liam fell for you when you were both 5 years old. When life was simple and glorious. I never believed him till this morning, because he likes to shag pretentious boys with money in their pockets.” Louis looked at him, watching the blush reaching Liam’s cheeks, because well no, that wasn’t something he wanted Zayn to know. Louis smirked, looking at Zayn again, “Well used too, 6 months ago he cut out everything that concerned; sex, parties and drugs. I haven’t been able to get him anywhere other than practice or to my after school events, because it’s been school and practice, school and practice. Zayn, Liam has taken to trying to know where you are every minute of the day, why? He worries. I honestly cannot believe I’m saying this, but you two have to be together. A it means I get to see Liam happy, and B, to give every damn person who made up shit about you a reply. Do you think you can do that?”  Louis stopped and Zayn looked towards him for the first time, Liam grinned when Zayn looked up at him, his hazel eyes huge with imminent tears that Liam hoped where of relief. “Go on! Silly boy!” Louis coaxed pushing Zayn forward straight into Liam’s now open arms.

“And there we have it folks.” Louis said loudly causing both Liam and Zayn to laugh. “This is my cue, Liam babe, thank me later and Zayn I’m really sorry as I said ok? Now if you excuse me, I need to go grab my lunch.” He walked over to Liam pressing a kiss to his cheek and he squeezed Zayn’s neck in reassurance again, laughing heartily as he bent down to grab his bags and made it out of the door.

“So.”

“So.” He repeated after Zayn as he squeezed his arms tightly.

“You think we can _really_ do this?” Zayn asked softly, tugging Liam back to the corner before Louis moved them, and sitting Liam down on the floor at the foot of huge easel and sketch book sleeve.

“I want to think so.” He said pulling Zayn on top of him, his arms going round Zayn’s waist resting his fingers just at the opening of his jacket so that he was touching Zayn’s tummy slightly, making Zayn chuckle at the little prods resting his head on Liam’s shoulder before feeling Zayn’s fingers slip into his slowly.

“When – ” Zayn began his tone more stable more sure of himself, “When Niall took me away this morning, I thought we were – done, but then Niall started to talk about you and me and I just knew that you talked about me, but never wanted to believe it you know. I have no one – I haven’t had anyone sit me down and talk to me – for _years_ Li. He didn’t mention the stories and the bullshit. He sat and talked about you. I just loved it and hated it at the same time because I’m intruding so much in your life; I’m changing so much by me simply being in it. I can’t let you do that Liam, I really just –” Zayn stopped – unsure again – about how to finish the sentence. Liam sighed and turned Zayn around to look at him.

“We went through this yesterday.” He said fingers reaching out to snake them together again, as Zayn settled on his knees in front of him, waiting. “I _want_ you in it.” Liam began, “I want to wake up and kiss that silly face of yours every day. I want to be able to touch you a little bit like this,” He said smiling, reaching out running his hands under the jacket, over Zayn’s torso and nipples and then running them down his back, making Zayn giggle softly, Liam knew he was ticklish, which made the whole thing funnier as Zayn started to squirm trying to get away from him slightly, he pulled back, pulling Zayn in by grabbing his jacket again, meaning they were now closer than they first started, drawing Zayn into him again, his head falling into Liam’s lap. “I want to listen to that laugh, every minute of the day if possible.” He continued, thumbing at Zayn’s cheek, “I want to look at you and _not see broken_ , to see happy. I want to make love to you; to see you fall apart under my touch to see you at weakest, yet strongest.” He said running his fingers down Zayn’s neck, touching his collarbones gently making Zayn’s eyes flutter shut, enjoying his touch.

“Zayn, I really don’t care about what people think about _this_. I want us to do _us_. If I can do it, I think you can too Z.”

Zayn smiled a full genuine grin that had the possibility to stop world hunger if given the chance. It was the first time Liam had seen him smile with purpose, with a happiness Liam hadn’t seen in years.

“I want to –”Zayn began, “have it all with you I mean. I want all of that too, but if you hadn’t said it, I would have probably never told you. I just – you know how it is.”

“Shhhh I know,” He said running his fingers up Zayn’s face, pinching his nose playfully and then up into his thick hair, languishingly caressing it.

“We do this our way and that’s it yeah? And let’s not go to class this afternoon. I’d rather stay and watch you finish whatever you have going on up there.” He said pointing to the sleeve again.

Zayn chuckled. “It’s you little idiot. Well that one, for my portfolio I have to create 4 pieces about things that mean a lot to me. I’m doing, my sisters and well _you_.” Zayn said laughing now. “Come see Leeyum!” Zayn said smiling pulling himself up and taking Liam’s arm to pull him up too.

“Leeyum?” He laughed, “I quite like that.” He commented making Zayn laugh higher, louder, content. He looked at the sketch, understanding Zayn’s black fingers and his now dusted grey ones it looked like charcoal, detailed and defined. It was Liam alright, punching the life of the punch bag in front of him.

Boxing was the one thing he hadn’t given up. It was a good release, a place to get away from the boys, from his Dad, from his life. It created the balance in Liam’s life, he realized as he looked at the figure in Zayn’s sketch. Zayn cheeks were flushed when he looked up at him, his fingers wringing each other white, as if scared that Liam won’t like it, that he _knew_ about Liam’s secret. Liam smiled and reached out grabbing Zayn’s fingers, bringing him closer.

“This is brilliant Z. Honestly God; you even have the birthmark showing.” Zayn dipped his head, his ears flushing now too, making Liam smile softly kissing Zayn’s right one, just by the shell, light and gentle, but enough to make Zayn feel it. “I did something too.” Zayn said moving around the room, to the sink first, washing the black out. then to his bag, kneeling to reach into it, allowing Liam time sit down on the floor again and take in the tiny space. A space that screamed Zayn, with canvas filling the area, paint bottles and brushes dotting the room, a black curtain hung from its perch, keeping the sun sufficiently out even though there wasn’t much to keep out today. He grinned at the sketches of Waliyha and Safaa, he even spotted another girl, one that he had a feeling was Doniya, Zayn did really have a gift when it came to his art, he just wished Zayn saw it too.

“Look!” Zayn said smiling softly, easing him out of his musing. He was holding the pink reference papers and well as other white one. Zayn sat down again so Liam reached out for a better look, turning the white one first, which held Zayn’s personal statement, all one thousand words of it, written and printed, he flipped through to the pink ones to see that the details where already penned in. He looked up at Zayn, who was looking down again, hands around himself, hugging himself tightly. Liam reached for Zayn’s jacket, tugging at it; bringing Zayn into his arms again. “This is absolutely brilliant – Christ Zayn this is incredible.” He said peppering kissing along Zayn’s stubbled jaw while trying to read his statement again.

“You need to thank Niall Li, he’s the one that pushed me to do it in IT this morning.” Zayn said happily, settling into Liam’s chest again.

“Niall has been absolutely brilliant to you, hasn’t he?”

“Yeah, and Harry, but you don’t talk about him much so I don’t know if you’re actually friends or just on the team together.”

“Nahh, Harry’s brilliant, amazing defender and a good friend, he doesn’t hang out much though, cause Louis’ has had it in for him a while, you know the big curls, green eyes and dimples but Harry likes Niall, so that’s not happening.” Liam chuckled, remembering Louis’ strops over this issue.

Zayn leaned further into Liam, catching and playing with his fingers slightly. “Well I think Niall likes him too and they fixed whatever was holding them back, cause they were all over each other in there.” Liam coughed laughing, taken aback by the sudden revelation.

“Really?” Liam asked smiling.

“Well seeing that Harry pecked Niall’s nose,” Zayn said,

“I’d say they are pretty much a thing.”

“Was that ok? For you I mean, like talking to them, and not at the corner of the class like usual?”

“I didn’t mind it, I had a few funny looks when Niall pushed me into the chair next to his and seeing – well” He said pointing at Liam’s jacket. “but you know, nothing major.”

“I’m happy it wasn’t bad, the thing is Zayn Malik, can you get used to it?”

“What exactly?” Zayn said bringing up Liam’s hand to kiss each knuckle.

“All of this, us, friends, Louis approving, having food to eat, you know, everything.”

“I can get used to waking up with you, but the whole Louis approves is weird and I don’t know how to get used to the other things, normally Li I just try to survive.”

“I know, but we’ll start to change that bit by bit yeah? I want that, and speaking of, come on I have something to show you.” Liam said, allowing Zayn to sit up and move to place the important papers inside his bag again.

Liam stood and waited by the door, as Zayn covered up Liam’s sketch with a white sheet before walking over to him smiling, gladly taking his hand. They walk out to the car park again just enjoying the silence that had lulled itself between them, it honestly was just fine. He was basking in everything that was Zayn and he really didn’t want to have it any other way, he smiled widely as he guided them to a blue beaten down truck. Not to old, and it drove well, it was something modest and something he knew Zayn would prefer better than any of his other cars.

“Oh my god Liam!” Zayn said running over to inspect the truck. He was _giggling_ with giddy. Zayn ran his fingers over the hood and onto the roof all the way round, like a child inspects a new toy. He looked up at Liam, eyes wet with gratitude, like he couldn’t believe that Liam had just done that. “You – you, Li – “

“Shhhh, I listen to you remember. This is something so small Zayn seriously.”

“Liam, thank you.” Zayn said walking over to Liam just as Liam opened his arms, so Zayn can fit between them.

“Zayn?”

“Hmm?”

“One thing yeah?” Zayn pulled back slightly so that he was looking at Liam again, his hands still firmly planted behind Liam though.

“Kiss me –“ He said leaning in, "but wait before you do that, promise me you’ll kiss me when ever you’ll feel like it cause you are _entitled_ to do just that and _I want you_ to do that yeah?”

“Yeah.”Zayn replied grinning, leaning into Liam too, meeting in the middle and tilting their heads to perfectly fit each other. Liam smiled into the kiss, biting on Zayn’s bottom lip in need of _more,_ tonguing at Zayn’s lips for entry, making Zayn chuckle slightly before Zayn’s lips parted open.He felt Zayn’s hands tangle at his shirt again, tugging Liam into him as Zayn leaned into the truck, resting his back against the hood, tilting his head further up as Liam gladly fell into him. He pulled away smiling, staying just where they were out of breath. Liam pressed his forehead to Zayn’s, taking in Zayn’s hazel eyes as they hit the afternoon sun so beautifully. Zayn smiled up at him, his eyes gleaming with happiness, like he still couldn’t believe all this was real. He leaned in again pecking Zayn’s nose laughing slightly when Zayn let out a little moan.

“Come on, we have shopping to do, and get you some good clothes that fit you proper yeah?”

“Yeah, but nowhere too expensive ok?”

“We’ll get you everything that is needed, now come on.” he said opening the door of the truck, letting Zayn get in before pushing it close, making Zayn roll down the window hurriedly to catch a kiss out of Liam before he disappeared to get to his side. Liam pressed back before pulling away chuckling, getting into his seat and buckling up.

“We're doing this together yeah?”

“Yeah.” Zayn replied, leaning his head again the side of the window, his hand reaching to find Liam’s.

“Liam,” he said after about ten minutes of playing with Liam’s ring finger. “I think – with you I can _do anything_.” Zayn said leaning in pressing a kiss to the shell of his ear, as if he had just come to some internal resolve. Zayn pulled back and settled his head on Liam’s shoulder. Liam smiled, because he thought not everything in life was beautiful, but moments like this just _are._ He was finally free to breathe and live in everything that is _Zayn_ , setting his demons aside for precious moments like this where Zayn stopped showing his hesitance for affection and Liam thinks that even when life isn’t shit, it is in way, and only when he’s driving a beat up second hand truck down the motorway at 70 miles per hour does he understand that maybe life isn’t always dandy, but times like _these_ where the world stopped and it was just him, his thoughts and Zayn’s gentle caress running over his arm, it just was majestic, and yeah Liam really could live with that.

 

*

“Liam don’t you think it’s time to get back to the girls now?” Zayn chided gently from his side of the truck, knees resting on the dash while sipping at his coffee ever so often. 

“Soon.” Liam promised, remembering Louis’, _’keep him out of the house for as long as possible damnit’_ and the _‘I can’t work on such short notice why did I even agree to this Payne!!’_ when he had called Louis earlier in the afternoon. He knew that he was gonna make at least Waliyha and Safaa happy out of this, even if he knew Zayn _wouldn’t_ be so pleased at first.

“Liam, I swear to god you bought me half of Foot locker and Urban Outfitters, can we just go home now?” He tried again taking another sip out of his cup, trying hard to seem angry, but really failing badly. Liam smiled at the home referral, which he knew was just a slip of the tongue but it left a warm fuzzy feeling in his stomach, he did want in time for Zayn to think of it as _home_. He looked at his watch, a Rolex, another thing that needed changing, it read 3.30pm enough time for Louis to do his prep, so he flicked the indicator on at their turning to get out of town and start the 20 minute drive home.

“Thanks Li.” Zayn said when he realized where they were heading, Liam simply reached out to grab Zayn’s hand again, clasping gently as Zayn squeezed back smiling.

“Li, why do think Louis didn’t even comment on – you know?” pointing to his arm still linked with Liam.

Liam took a couple of deep breathes before replying to that question, he knew Louis was hard to describe or begin to try to understand.

“Cause it's Louis, things like that to him don’t make you less of a person. Louis is – complicated, as he said he’s cocksure, he’s loud and needs to be heard; but then he’s got this gentler side to him. Louis saw _you_ without anything to conceal your heart. Louis cares greatly about those he loves, that’s why he was skeptical on _this_ , however I think when he saw _that_ he not only understood, but believed that all this had such an effect on you. You’re so brave, so stout, so valiant and you don’t even see it. Zayn you’re like an enigma, people see you but don’t really get you. You have this class, this caliber that so doesn’t match up with what your life is really like. You’re all grace and poise and delicate and people took that for nerve and self importance, and took to spread lies, because they realized you just can’t take the time to _care_. I’ve watched you trying to get through a day, and I know its hell in there yet you _just do it._ You have no idea how many times I just tell people to shut up, because it’s constant, so to be honest I wouldn’t necessarily –” He stopped to turn off at their exit, leading to Liam’s estate, pressing his pass to open the gate, before continuing, “I wouldn’t necessarily blame Louis for that reaction however I fully expected him to not react to _that.”_ poking at Zayn’s tummy, smiling when he realized Zayn’s eyes were shining gold.

He parked right next to his mum’s Mini, even though their where several other cars parked around already, letting the engine shut off but Zayn didn’t move from his spot, to get out, instead he crawled into Liam’s lap, fitting comfortably between Liam and the steering wheel, neither of them thinking twice about the small, tight place they were now in.

“Thanks.” He muttered, dropping his head into Liam’s shoulders, grabbing Liam’s fingers again. Liam started to gently drop kisses into his hair, rubbing his free hand at the small of Zayn’s back, letting him know its ok.

“It’s gonna be just fine Z, just believe in me, we’ll do this together, and we’ll give them an answer when we’ll be the last laughing.” Zayn snorted, still clinical making Liam wrap his hand around his waist, starting to tickle making Zayn squirm beneath his fingers trying to get to his side of the seat again he was laughing hysterically – it seemed that Zayn was _very_ ticklish he was learning, he didn’t quite want to let go of him yet, so Liam grabbed at both his hips bringing him back in on to him kissing at his neck silly as Zayn’s whinging disappeared instead giggling happily. There was a knock at the window, bringing them out of their bubble, as Liam let go of Zayn to roll it down.

“Oi, lovebirds, all this is cute and coupley but if you please grace us with your presence it would really help thank you.” It was Louis, smiling his head off, while holding up a pink balloon in at them, like he expected them to just _get it._ Liam did of course, but Zayn looked at him questioningly, doubt and confusion in his expression, that made Liam smile even wider. “Come on, you’ll see promise.” He opened his door, just as Louis moved back of the open truck to help with the bags that laid there. Zayn shrugged smiling at Liam as they took the last few bags together, walking into the house to well – chaos.

“Waliyha! Waliyha!” He heard his mum call just as she walked to greet them, kissing his and Zayn’s cheeks before, “Look whose home Waliyha!”

“Hello loves, this is brilliant Liam, just what she needed, and kind of a little bit short notice but I really can’t have it any other way.”

Zayn looked at him even more confused than before but he didn’t have time to question it, because Waliyha came running out donning a purple tutu, fairy wings and a huge tiara on that ebony hair of hers. Zayn instantly bent down to her level, dropping the bags at his feet. “Wali what is all this?” He said calmly looking at her like he had just seen a ghost.

“Baba – Jaan, its Louis and Mrs. Payne, come look!” She said tugging at his jacket slightly, excited. Zayn stood up, pulling her up with him. “Liam what is this?”

Liam smiled, pressing a kiss to his forehead, “Go see, it will make sense in a tick, promise.”

Zayn’s brows furrowed together, before turning around in the direction Waliyha was screaming in his ear. Liam smiled, moving the bags to the stairs before he and his mum walked behind them into the living room, his mother smiling softly as she squeezed his arm in reassurance. Louis stood in the middle of a group of about twelve screaming six year olds as they were all engrossed in a game on the Wii.

Zayn stood to the side, Waliyha still in his arms, whispering something hotly into her ear. Urdu he realized. He moved to him, taking her from him and setting her down onto her feet, pressing a kiss to her cheek, encouragingly sending her to Louis to enjoy herself. She looked up at Zayn expectantly, who nodded hesitantly himself before smiling at her widely. It was the last little push she needed before she disappeared into the crowd. They moved to the empty kitchen before either of them talked.

“What on earth Li, like seriously? Clothes are one thing; a bed is another, but a party! Liam it’s a party! How can I repay for _this_?” Zayn had shut down again, hands wrapping around himself, moving away from Liam, to the furthest corner of the room.

“How about you don’t, you let her enjoy it, it’s her first, she deserved more than this but this is all I could think of since she told us yesterday.”

Zayn sighed, “Yes but – “

“No more but’s out of you, we have had quite enough, you let me do this for Waliyha and you’ll get whatever you want for the next month, please Zayn!”

Zayn laughed, moving closer to Liam again. His brows lifted and his eyes dilated with amusement as he smirked slightly – first smirk Liam realized, “Anything Liam?” He said laughing; he was really making it hard on himself to keep a straight face. Liam smiled and pulled him in, grabbing him by the loops of his jeans and leaning on the counter, his hands sitting inside the back pockets of Zayn’s black jeans.

“Anything.” Liam said pecking his nose, “but we won’t go there fully till you’re ready and like you said yesterday, till you’re mostly healed.”

“You mean I can do this?” pushing his crotch in, rutting against Liam a few times, “without getting pushed away?” Liam laughed but it didn’t quite come out that way, making Zayn’s eyes shine gold further with a mix of love and lust. “Yes.” He choked out pushing into Zayn himself, making Zayn simply laugh more, it seemed Zayn had very good self control. Zayn pressed a kiss onto Liam’s lips, pulling back. “Fine, Li –”   pressing his fingertips into Liam’s hips, “I’ll blow you for a month, then you fuck me up against the wall as a reward yes?”

Liam grasped for out for Zayn’s fingers, “OK,” He whispered, “and I promise, I won’t treat you like you’re a delicate when we come to it also and sorry not up the wall the first time at least.” It made Zayn’s cheeks blush scarlet, so Liam simply leaned in and kissed him smiling as he felt Zayn’s clasp on his hands tighten.

Zayn pulled back, about to start some remark about how he can take it, at least judging from the look in his eyes, before,

“Oi! –” it was Louis again. “Instead of swapping blowjob tips and publicly sporting semi’s, will you please come help me control this lot?” He was grinning widely at them though as the pulled apart laughing to go help.

Louis grabbed Zayn’s neck and pulled him into a sideways hug, even though he was shorter than Zayn, he held his height well; Zayn whispered something to which Louis snorted letting go and running off after a tiny little girl.

“Thank you though,” Zayn said turning to him again, taking his hand and slowly walking over to Safaa who was trying to pinch cake which she couldn’t exactly reach. Zayn kneeled at her feet, making her face light up as he pulled her into hug. Bringing her up with him, grabbing a chip off the table and handing it to her, making her squeal in delight. Her hair fell off her shoulder, black and shiny, button nose and huge blue eyes that lit up rooms, just like Zayn’s delicacy, both Waliyha and Safaa were very beautiful girls. He opened his arms and she motioned herself into them, leaning over to kiss Zayn’s cheek as he chuckled at them happily. Zayn himself pressed a kiss to Liam’s temple just before running off to help Louis with the other children as his mum entertained their parents in the library from the commotion in there it seemed.

He collected a handful of chips from the bowl offering them to Safaa, who smiled widely at him and moved to watch Louis and Zayn make fools of themselves playing tennis on the console. The kids all watching happily, cheering on whoever they picked as favourites.

“He’s a good lad that one.” His mum said from behind him, after about 10 minutes of watching the game develop, turning competitive a bit.

“I know mum.” He said smiling at her as she reached to take Safaa from him as she called them and the kids to gather around the cake in the kitchen. He took out his phone to capture this moment on film smiling as Zayn joined him, cheeks flushed from the game then rushing over to kneel by Waliyha as his mum started to sing happy birthday, the mothers and the kids joining in, Zayn and Louis too as she blew out her candles and laughed happily he knew this is the way its gonna be from now on.

If he dared say it, forever.

*

“You said a month.” Zayn pouted up at him before he started to giggle.

“And it’s been?” He smiled nipping at Zayn’s bottom lip.

“Two.” Zayn grumbled, furrowing his brows and pouting even more making Liam chuckle as he sat himself on Zayn’s tummy, slowly reaching for Zayn’s arms, which were buried somewhere in the tangle of limbs, sheets and blankets they had made a mess of anyway.

The bandages where off now and he was able to properly get a look at his tattoos running his fingers over the bumpy and uneven yet now happily healed skin, soft pressure along his ZAP! Lifting it to slowly kiss every scar that sat there, every jutted ridge, from the big to the small one, silver or red, he didn’t care.

He looked at Zayn, his hazels glowing with contentment, this had become a ritual, since he could, Liam would sit and kiss every patch of skin he could get his mouth on, it didn’t mean, Zayn ever got used to the feathery touches Liam liked to leave on his skin, he still squirmed and writhed beneath him, it was something they were working on.

“Exactly,” he teased, leaning down to nip at Zayn’s collarbone, licking the sensitive spot, before pulling up to bring both their hands to sit on Zayn’s ribcage.

“I want to Li – fuck I want you, don’t you get it?”

Liam smiled, a heated fuzz taking over his stomach, it felt good he realized. He pulled at one hand, letting it fall free and running it softly down Zayn’s face, feeling him shudder before he closed his eyes, enjoying Liam’s touch.

“Next time –” he whispered slowly, “we don’t stop it ok?” He watched as Zayn’s lips widened into a smile, before he flickered open his eyes, and pulling at Liam’s hand slightly to make Liam fall on him again, to which Liam did. He leaned down to peck at Zayn’s jaw. It was clean shaven now, it made Zayn look younger, more vulnerable, but he was stronger than ever now, Liam knew that.

“Thanks.” Zayn whispered running his hand down Liam’s bare back, before slipping them under his shorts, letting them sit on his ass.

It made Liam chuckle before laying his head on Zayn’s shoulders, simply taking in Zayn’s aftershave – that was a new addition, but a change he adored. They stayed like for the best part of an hour, the sound of their in sync beating hearts the only thing filling Liam’s ears.

There was a knock at the door, which immediately made them both sit up; Liam falling onto the mattress as Zayn moved to open it, smiling as Waliyha and Safaa came bumbling in. Safaa waited till Zayn walked back to help her up, while Waliyha clambered up laughing just as Liam started to tickle her tummy.

“You ok?” Zayn asked. This too had become routine. Zayn had agreed to let his mum take them to school every morning and to keep them busy till late afternoon so that Zayn got some time for himself – or rather, time with Liam.

Liam leaned down to kiss Safaa’s forehead before getting up to take a shower. He knew Zayn craved time alone with them. They were still part of his existence like he needed them to simply breathe. Liam pressed a kiss to Zayn’s temple before walking into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him leaving them to giggle happily.

*

“Ahh fuck! Don’t stop that.” Zayn pleaded hotly, scratching at Liam’s back almost hurting, almost. Liam didn’t usually initiate, but at the moment he was being reckless and he loved it, home alone all night and he had promised Zayn it would be ok next time. He smiled as he bit at Zayn neck; he was pleased the _he_ had made Zayn like this, clingy and desperate. It had been a couple of days since their talk and yeah Liam really didn’t think about stopping this. Zayn rutted up against him, he needed more and Liam knew it.

“Can we – can we you know?” Zayn asked brokenly trying to catch his breath.

“We can.” Liam answered. Grabbing Zayn’s fingers and flew off in the direction of their bedroom. Zayn was a laughing mess, as they made their way through the house, clinging to Liam’s arm like his life depended on it. Liam stopped at the door swiftly picking Zayn up to walk over the threshold, kicking the door closed behind them slowly making it over to the bed, dropping Zayn gently on it and then climbing up to look at _his_ man again.

Zayn chuckled up at him, his hands sitting at Liam’s waist band pushing him further down on top of him. He started to lick at Zayn’s collarbone, something he’d come to know Zayn adored, grasping and gnawing just to find some friction – any friction.

“Are you sure?” He breathes out lowly, one last final check before he did anything Zayn might regret later.

“Yes Liam –” Zayn begged, please...” pushing up one last time as a final confirmation, they both needed. Liam didn’t make a show of it, he knew what he was doing, knew exactly where Zayn’s pressure points were, and knew exactly how to touch Zayn to make him shatter beneath his touch how to make him see white and forget the world.

He stripped Zayn, then himself, slowly and at a leisurely pace, he wanted them to remember this, wanted Zayn to remember the way Liam’s stubble felt on his upper thigh, kissing up all his marks, wanted Zayn to remember how Liam’s cold lubed up fingers felt as he pushed though past the muscles of Zayn’s pink hole but mostly he wanted Zayn to remember how Liam felt inside him as he lined himself up to him.

He could hear the rain beating down on the pains, the fire crackling in the distance, and Zayn’s heavy breath as he was trying to compose himself and realized this was exactly how he wanted, how he’d dreamt. He smiled as he bottomed out, leaning down so that his forehead was touching Zayn’s. “Look at me.” He whispered, “Look at me Z, and tell me you too will remember this moment forever.”

Zayn placed his hand on Liam’s bum pushing down, “Move, before I explode.” Liam chuckled before he went about finding their rhythm which they fell into easily, slow and almost soft, slowly building up as they went. “Fuck Li, I can never forget something like this,” Zayn heaved out, he could barely form words and he himself was in a similar state, he was still leaning down, his elbows sitting snugly against Zayn’s cheeks, fingers locked tightly in Zayn’s hair, taking the time to take in the beauty that is Zayn, now Zayn, Zayn was the type of person that could always pull off beautiful, but Liam might have just found his favourite type of Zayn, eyes screwed shut, eyebrows scrunched up together, biting on his lower lip, hair messed and falling from his forehead and really scratching Liam’s back raw, as he drove and guided Liam to adjust to a faster pace.

He realized they hadn’t said one word to one another; their bodies did the talking, like they were connected with some kind of ribbon that knew how to adjust when the other needed something. He tilted his head so that it fitted into Zayn’s shoulder, biting down right on the curve, because fuck he wanted to leave marks on Zayn too. He adjusted slightly and suddenly Zayn was moaning out, _again, again_ , like a mantra that felt like music to Liam’s ears because he knew he had hit Zayn’s prostate. He sped up his pace slightly, just giving Zayn what he needed, because like hell did Zayn deserve this.

Zayn let go of his back, as he shuddered and grabbed Liam’s face with both hands instead. He heard Zayn utter out his name as he felt hot come suddenly hitting his stomach. That sensation and the pressure Zayn had on Liam’s face as well as Zayn’s insistent lips at his jaw was enough to take Liam over the edge and he was coming hard and fast with his own _Zayn’s_ slipping out of his mouth as he tilted his head to meet Zayn’s mouth again.

They stayed there breathing each other in as they came down from their high. He giggled, distracting Zayn who had opened his eyes to see why Liam was laughing his head off and pulled out of him settling to kissing Zayn’s jaw as the full extent of what had just happened sunk in. It was exhilarating, intoxicating even Liam did feel like he was on top of the world and he could tell from Zayn’s face that he was in a similar disposition. He chuckled, “Come on babe we need a shower.” He said tickling Zayn’s side waking him up a bit from his placidness. Zayn smiled up at him running his fingers through Liam’s hair whispering out _Thank-you’s_ over and over. Liam beamed really, Zayn was still like that sometimes he knew it was in Zayn’s character though so he didn’t answer him just leaned down and pressed a kiss to his forehead. 

“I want to cuddle yeah after?” Zayn asked sitting himself up, meaning Liam was now sitting on Zayn’s thighs.

“Yes?” He giggled running his own fingers through Zayn’s hair, thumbing his hairline gently. Zayn shrugged slightly, “Just asking Li.”He chuckled, his fingers pressing at the dip of Liam’s back before they moved to cup his bum. Zayn shifted so that suddenly he was being lifted up, he knew Zayn trained but he never watched cause it was at 5 am and Liam wasn’t really a morning person, but he didn’t exactly expect Zayn to have enough strength or _stamina_ for that matter for him to be able to pull this off. Zayn laughed at him, happily and openly, well Liam thought, if he always got this after sex, Liam could live with it.

They showered, they did that often cause it meant time together and to be honest Liam usually craved it, he guessed it was one of those routines that he got used to quickly and needed.

“Thanks really though.” Zayn said as he rubbed shampoo into his hair, before standing under the head to let the water wash it out, ‘Didn’t treat me like fine china so thank you.” Zayn kept saying, “Just perfect Li, really.” He finished, dropping his head as he turned around, Liam suspected embarrassed.

Ok, so he expected this, but he didn’t know he’d feel so _broken_ for a lack of a better word. He didn’t know he’d want to wash Zayn’s mouth out with soap, because Zayn _didn’t_ deserve to be _thanking_ him, like what Liam had just done was some kind of twisted sacrifice. He didn’t want it to be that way between them at all.

Liam opened his arms and wrapped them around Zayn, kissing his jutting shoulder blade before tightening his grip, smiling slightly when he felt Zayn’s head fall into his own shoulder.

“No need to thank me ok,” he whispered into Zayn’s ear, “Never again yeah? We do what we do but never think it’s just because I have too.”

“You know me too well.” Zayn sighed resigning himself, “Get out of my head though.” Zayn chuckled turning to face Liam again. “Thank you really though Liam, I don’t know what else to say.”

“Then don’t.” Liam answered, “Might as well, what do you want for dinner tonight?” Zayn giggled surprising Liam a bit, “can think of a few things.” Zayn taunted as he sank to his knees. Well Liam thought, he can definitely get used to this.

*

5 years later.

“Zayn, Zayn, get your arse in here, you need to go you’ve got class in 20 minutes.”

“Hang on a second, packing up here.”

Liam was sitting drinking his tea, reading the morning newspaper, unlike Zayn his class was in the afternoon. He chuckled at the bang somewhere in the other room, typical Zayn he smiled always, always late.

“Liam have you seen my – ” he stopped and started to laugh walking over to Liam pressing a kiss on his forehead before stealing the beanie that was warm on his head and placing it over his own mane of hair. Zayn had grew it out, shoulder length nothing too fancy but it framed Zayn’s face in a way that spoke man, not teenage boy. Liam liked the change, it happened when Zayn was coming into himself getting used to the idea that _this_ was all his and it wasn’t going anywhere, also it was an anchor, something to hold onto when Zayn decided to fuck him against the wall [that was frequent now believe it or not] it was leverage so to speak seeing Zayn begged him to keep his own head buzzed.

He stretched his arms grabbing onto Zayn’s hips and pulling him in. He loved doing that now, uninhibited, kinda spontaneous and something he’d grown to adore.

“Babe!” Zayn was saying, “gonna be late now, like for real.” Giggling as he tried to get out of Liam’s tight embrace.

“Just wanted to say, I love you this is all.” Liam said nuzzling at Zayn’s chest. It was something he might never get used too if he were to be honest. The simple act of _touching_ Zayn still sent butterflies through his stomach. He squeezed tighter loving his own smell on Zayn through his sweater.

“Me too Li, me too.” Zayn whispered squeezing his neck, he could feel Zayn’s smile at the shell of his ear and Liam smiled because yeah maybe they weren’t the beat up kids out to prove the world wrong anymore. They were now last year uni students, living alone in a city an hour away from the girls’ school and Zayn was thriving. Changing and molding in ways he thought weren’t possible, excelling at his double major and proving not just the world wrong but even himself because it was now the all about Zayn’s talent show and Liam loved every minute of it, watching in wonderment from the sidelines of his architecture block as Zayn charmed his way through English and Art. He smiled again, stretching his arm to interlock their fingers with a clink of the metal, satisfaction running through him as Zayn fell further into him. That little noise meant their world was finally stable, when Zayn got down on one knee [well or rather on both his knees seeing they were on their bed, in their room] Liam’s world finally fit into place and it wasn’t the money or the lifestyle because with Zayn it meant he only agreed to rent a shitty flat on the wrong side of town, but it was _theirs_ with its tattered sofa’s and wooden floors, creaking plaster walls and bad pressure in the shower, it was some place they could call home and with them both working 2 jobs just to make rent and uni, their life wasn’t easy, but it was perfect for them and even if Louis complained that he didn’t want his car in this street or if he thought the light bulb was too yellow, it was once in a while because he knew that he and Zayn weren’t going anywhere anytime soon, everybody knew that, and that sat just fine with Liam because here in Zayn’s arms he was _home_ and in life, that’s all that really mattered. 

**Author's Note:**

> If you actually read all of this fic, thank you. This got shelved for months actually and I just needed to finish it to keep my own sanity in tact. This is also the biggest monster I've ever written and it did run away from me a bit. It's for my best friends, see with some prodding we got here :) thank you.


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